Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

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Aside

A day not totally wasted.


Did some work on my computer today.  Printed out vouchers for a couple of classes I’ve signed up for.  One is for a glass blowing class and the other is the class you need to take for your real estate license.  I may not do either one ever again, but at least I will know how to do it. I’m going to dedicate this year to learning.  Taking all the training classes I can, reading all the tutorials I can get my hands on.  I’m going to make an honest effort to improve my glass skills and if it is not in me to become a great lampworker, well, I can still pull cane and murinni for those who use it.  I’m getting pretty good at blowing shards too.

I am also working on opening my second ETSY shop.  This one with my handmade goods.  Crochet, knit and hand sewn items.  Keeping one shop open and fresh is hard.  Two will be even more interesting.  I have to be careful not to overload myself.  Learn balance.  I’m just so tired of doing nothing.  If I’m going to be sick, I’m going to be the best sick person I’ve ever seen.

We just got back from a 25th anniversary party.  I love seeing all the young people growing older and the babies getting bigger.  Everyone had a great time, I love seeing friends and family.  Can you imagine being married to someone for 25 years?  Joe and I are going on 14 this year, and those are just married years.  I’m not counting the longest engagement in history.  It’s a good feeling to know that you have found the person that you want to torment for the rest of your life.

Did you all notice the photo of the houseboat added to my home page.  That is my new dream retirement home.  Currently docked in the harbor of St. Thomas USVI, I’m convinced that I could live the rest of my life there.  I’ve also updated my “scary toys” tab to reflect my latest unusual finds.  I do have to start cooking again so I can list some more recipes.

Off to bed.  My little head is pounding.  Another round of chemo coming on Tuesday.  I can feel my body gearing up for the next wave of poisons to pour in.  Yippee for me.

Have a great night everyone.

(Rhema, may the fairies tickle your dreams tonite darling)

Aside

Words of wisdom by Virginia Swift.


I read this and had to share it. 

A time comes in your life when you… finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn’t weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely.
And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

~ Virginia Swift ~

Aside

Once upon a time…..


in a far away place there was a happy woman who lived in an enchanted castle with her handsome prince and her beloved fuzzy babies.  Then one day the evil enchantress decided that enough was enough and no-one deserved to be as happy as she was, so the evil one cast a spell on her to make her sick and waste away.  But the Happy one was a fighter and won the first battle with the evil one.   Everything went back to “semi” normal in the enchanted area where the happy couple resided.  The evil one however, was not done with our heroine.  She revisited the spell upon the happy one, this time making it harder and harder to fight.  But she is a fighter, and will fight till the last breath.

Aside

Chemo time change


Just found out that my Chemo time has been moved to 2:00.  Please send healing thoughts and white lights and prayers.

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