Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘Yellow’

Well, Got bad news and no news


Saw the ENT yesterday for biopsy results.  And, drumroll please, It’s back.  She can’t tell me how big, bad, fast or far it is, but the pathology report indicated a positive result.  Apparently the “histology is similar to my previous diagnosis of non small cell ca”.

Which is a really bad.  That means that in all likely hood, I have lung cancer again.  The markers indicated that it was from the lung.  So, what now?  I see the oncologist today at 3:00.  While he will be able to give us a more concrete diagnosis I am under no illusions that the “exploring” has just begun.  More tests, scans, biopsies will follow.  Knowing Dr. M. it will be fast and furious from diagnosis to treatment.  So today is another hurry up and wait day.

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when there was a knock on my door and two sweet pre-teen girls were standing on my porch.  They asked very politely if they could take my dogs for a walk.  Me, thinking they were little go-getters and appreciating that in a person, asked what they charged for their service.  “Nothing,” they replied, “we heard you were sick again and wanted to help.”  I wanted to cry.  I’ll have to introduce them to Mo before I’ll trust him with them, but he’s doing so great with people so I don’t think I’ll have any problems.  And I will certainly not refuse such a generous offer.  Last time I didn’t want to accept offers of kindness because I didn’t want to burden anyone.  This time, when help is offered I will gladly accept. 

I’ll follow-up with more when I know more.  Love to all.

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Made the appointment for my new tat…


Monday at 2:30 but it’s worth the wait.  I’m so glad that Joe understands.  I might be able to still get it today, the artist is going to call me when/if his schedule clears.

I found the most amazing picture that portrays everything I need.  It’s a beautiful red/yellow/orange Chinese style dragon who is shooting flames at a floating pearl.  I so can’t wait.  I need my protection.

So, did the biopsy thing this morning.


If there is a level of fear below scared shitless, I’m there. 

Apparently when the surgeon found a “really promising” gland and cut into my neck, there was a tumor attached to the gland.  Really not a good sign for someone with a cancer history.  She was able to remove it and send it in for tests, but I have to wait till Wednesday for results.  Then on Thursday I see the oncologist to find out what kind, what stage, where it’s at….  So, pins and needles till then.

The good news is that I’m sporting another rockin’ star on my neck that is about an inch long.  Right in front, above the collarbone.  I get to scare little children for another year till it starts to fade.  Yeah, yeah, quit bitching about a little scar, others have it worse than you.  I allow myself to vent once, play the pity party for 10 minutes then I pull up my big girl pants and get on with it.

Joe did agree to let me go ahead and get another tatoo.  I just need to find a local artist who does amazing dragons.  I have always had an affinity with dragons, and have felt many times to be protected by them.  I have had the same dragon in every car I’ve owned.  He’s been with me for 30 years and he watches out for me.  So, I’m getting a dragon on my left front thigh.  I have a tremendous urge to get it done quickly.  I’ve been dreaming of a dragon for the past several nights, so I know what I want it to look like.  Lots of reds and yellows and orange, really scaly and fierce.  Lots of fire and teeth.  I need a fighter.

OK, I’m off to bed.  I think I’ll take a pain med and zone.  Night all.

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