Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘Words’

A Hotwheel racer, a Mastodon and a half eaten candy cane…


Along with two power ranger arms, a chocolate kiss (squished) and what I think might have been a cookie at one time but is an interesting furry thing now.

Yep, cleaned out under my couches after Christmas.  I have hardwood floors and once a month I do “dog hair” duty along the walls and under the furniture with a Swiffer sweeper just to give the floor a shine.  After having several houseful,s of friends and families and their kids, it was time.  I always love my “treasure hunt” cleans after the kids have been here.  For a bunch of kiddies under ten years old, they are really good about picking up the toys and putting them back upstairs when they are done.  I find it helps when they understand that they can bring down whatever they want, but they have to put them back when they are done with them.  I fully understand that in the midst of the chaos of Holiday parties, things get overlooked (like the toys under my couch) especially by the little ones.

What I don’t get are the adults and the words they leave behind.  Things like “I’ll call soon”, or “Let’s get together for lunch”, and the infamous, “let’s go shopping”.  Please don’t leave words behind that you’ve forgotten already.  Unlike kids toys, when you stumble over a reminder of someone who has offered to pick you up and take you out, and never has, it hurts.

I’d rather have the toys, At least those I can smile at with happy memories.

The difference between…


The things I say and the things I mean are sometimes worlds apart and I’m just starting to realize that.  Like telling someone that I’m in “remission”.  What they hear is “I’m cured”, what I mean is that “I still have cancer and will always have it.”  It’s a part of me now.  It’s who I am and how I’m defined.  Also, when I say “I can’t eat”.  It doesn’t mean that I’m being stubborn and want to waste away to skin and bones and live on soup.  What it means is that it hurts to eat, the fibers of the food get lodged in my throat and cause physical pain when I try to swallow.  It’s like trying to swallow around a golf ball.  Doable, but not very pleasant.  It very hard to express what I’m feeling when most people don’t understand what I’m explaining to them.  How many people can identify with “cold/hot sweats”, or “swallowing around a golf ball”, or “when your nerves go chemo crazy”.

So, I need to take more time to explain myself better.  Use my words.  It’s just so much easier to write about it than it is to speak about it.  When I write I can pick and choose my words, change things if they are not right.  The spoken word is like ringing a bell.  There is no way to un-ring it.  It’s done and laying there, like a Baby Ruth in the swimming pool.

Tomorrow will be our family Christmas.  Got the cooking started today, just have to put the bird and the potatoes in the oven, make deviled eggs and a pasta dish and I’m done.  Joe braved the grocery store for the final trip to pick up everything I’d forgotten (yeah Joe).  He knows I have no patience for shoppers, especially at this time of the year.

So I’m off for bed.  It’s a little after 9 and I have a big day tomorrow.  Sunday and Monday I don’t have to get out of bed except to use the bathroom.  I’m so gonna need a massage when the holidays are over.

Happy Holidays to you and yours.  May the gods keep you safe in the palms of their hands.

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