Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘torch’

There are many words that roll off your tongue…


Words like: Cupola, Pergola, Begonia, and Ennui.

en·nui

[ahn-wee, ahn-wee; French ahn-nwee]  Show IPA

noun

a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom

 

I’ve been feeling this nagging sense of ennui for the past two weeks.  Ever since I burned my hand torching last Tuesday and I haven’t been able to play with flame or to do much at all.  In case I forgot to tell you guys or update my blog lately, but I put my hand into my torch last Tuesday.   No, it wasn’t some tribal ritual, or ancient rite of passage, just me torching and not keeping focused on the flame.  It was almost as if I forgot the flame was there and stuck my hand right into it.  I got the base of my right thumb pretty badly.  It didn’t even blister, just kinda cooked in one spot.  New skin is finally coming in, but it still smarts.

I am so tired of this period between winter and spring, it’s too cold to go outside, but everything is blooming and the snow is almost gone, but what’s left is a mud puddle.

At least the gardening catalogs are coming in on schedule.  I’m hoping to put in a few raised beds this year so I can garden more.  My five-year plan is to have a “no-mow” yard with the pool and the gazebo (another good word) and plants and flowers everywhere else.  I would love to naturalize with easy to care for indigenous plantings.  Lots of Bee balm and butterfly bushes, but tons of veggies too.  Enough to can and put up for next winter.  I love canning fresh  foods.

I’m off now to soak my hand.  It’s a good thing that I went to the lavender festival last fall, and it’s a really good thing that I got ambitious and made lavender oil last month, and it was even  more advantageous that the finished bottle of lavender oil was in the basement when the burn occurred.  Kept it from becoming a festering mess, I’m convinced of it.

Have a lovely day my friends.  I can’t believe my grandson is six today.  Happy Bearthday Harp.  Gram-ma B loves you to the moon and back, twice.

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So much going on that sharing is scary.


Went to a rehabilitation therapist today for the arthritis in my back.  He is now ordering an MRI to be done of my spine due to the increasing neuropathy in my right arm.  It’s to the point now where I feel nothing in my thumb and only some in my index and middle fingers.  My arm falls asleep at a moments notice.   My right hand will start to shake uncontrollably and I’m starting to drop things.  I have to admit this to everyone otherwise I will keep pretending that everything is fine.  I can’t anymore.

I’m glad I spin my mandrels with my left hand and apply glass with my right.  I can set a glass rod down till feeling comes back, can’t set a hot bead down “for a minute”.

OK so I got a very painful steroid/lidocaine shot in my back to hold me over till he can determine if an epidural is necessary or if there is anything else he can do.  So I’m scheduled for an M.R.I and a C.T. scan next Monday (gonna need a pill for this one).  Then I see a neurologist on the 25th, then back to this RT that I saw today to see what’s going on.  So till the middle of next month it’s one test after another and the hurry up and wait game.  I hate that game.

Meanwhile I’m keeping myself busy.  Tonight Oscar and I go for his first testing as a therapy dog.  There is an entire checklist that he has to go through.  I hope he does well.  Then Saturday it’s out to Brighton for torch time for the BOC, Sunday is a guild meeting in the afternoon.  Then I need to get busy making beads for the bead bonanza in October.  Phew, when I jump back into life, I don’t fool around.

I’m off for an afternoon nap to let this shot take effect.  Hugs to everyone.

I’ve probably started half a dozen posts


In the past couple weeks and just haven’t finished them.  Guess the subject matter didn’t hold enough of my attention (subject = me 😦 ). I am finally starting to come out of my funk.  I’ve volunteered to participate in the Beads of Courage torch-a-thon in Brighton for next Saturday.  My scheduled time is from 2-4 p.m.  I can’t wait.  I’ve just seen a list of some of the artists that will be there and I must admit to being a bit intimidated.

I have also joined a glass guild and signed up for a bead show in October.  All of which means that I’m scheduling things for me, to do by myself, with people who share common interests.  OMG, what a concept.  I won’t know how to act.

So for those of you  who have expressed concerns about my disappearance, it wasn’t you, really, it was me.

I’m off to vacuum.  Have a wonderful day all.

 

The sound of silence


Sometimes there is no more beautiful sound.  Knowing that no-one else is in the house.  It releases a kind of peace for me.

It’s funny, when I first got sick, I hated being alone all the time.  I’ve worked full-time since thirteen and was so not used to the pleasure of my own company.  Then I gradually got used to the sound of a quiet house.  The ticking of the grandfather clock, the little click when the a/c turns  on, the hum of the pool pump.  Soft quiet noises, house whispers as it were.

My house hardly whispers any more, the house shouts with the sound of heavy footfalls and doors slamming.  Talking will start from out of nowhere, thoughts interrupted, questions asked.  I’m used to it again, but every once in a while, the house falls silent.  No one home but me.  I can hear my home whisper to me again.

They will be home soon, my noisemakers, and I’ll welcome them home.  But for now I’m going to turn on my torch, put the radio on loud and melt some glass.  I’ll show you tomorrow what I get done today.

I had a feeling this feeling wouldn’t feel good for long.


Since last Thursday I have been infused with energy and positive thinking.  I’ve tackled the jungle in the backyard.  Joe has worked tirelessly to get the pool up and running.  The new pool furnace works so good.   It feels so good to dive in and not feel that polar chill that used to turn the outside of your lips blue.

It is so efficient that I’m kicking myself for not getting one sooner.  All that money wasted.  I’m debating on whether to have him put the solar cover on for overnight to keep the warm water warm.  Need to surf a little and get some answers.

Other than getting things accomplished around the house and yard, I have been feeling great.  I hit 120 lbs this weekend.  I haven’t thrown up in three days (except this morning).  Tons of energy, no naps, eating like a pro.

Today, not so much.  Kinda pooped out today.  It’s a good day to torch I’m thinking.

Had the most beautiful visitor both yesterday and today.  Today though he stood long enough for me to take many photo’s of him.   

He’s the first Oriole I’ve seen here in Michigan.  I’m going to have to get him his own feeder.  I don’t think the holes on the hummer feeder are big enough for him.

I’m off to take a nap.  I should go run errands, but the juice is not there.  Let’s see, torch, run errands or nap.  I think I’ll nap, then torch and save the errands for tomorrow.

I hope everyone had an incredible weekend.  It was hot enough to peel paint here, but we made do.  Threw a couple of slabs of ribs on the BBQ and let them cook low and slow for about 4.5 hours.  They were so good.

Keep positive thoughts flowing.

Sometimes…


In the dark of the night, when the wind is blowing the window panes loose in the frames and you can almost hear the snow hitting the siding that I sit and remember how much I’m blessed.  I went through most of my life believing that I would end it alone.  I’ve never had children or made lasting ties with anyone.  My family has drifted off into their own little worlds and that’s OK.  I was one of those “tweener” kids, everyone was either five years older or five years younger than me.  The older kids wanted nothing to do with me so I got to babysit all the younger ones.  Resentment built, you know the story.

Anyway, Saturday night M & M and Joe and I went out to the Parthenon for dinner then to the Fox theatre to see the Cirque dreams Holidaze show.  Dinner was amazing.  I love sharing stories and hearing about their days.  Such incredible adults, I’m so proud of them and their thoughts and actions.  The show was amazing.  Such a dramatic sense overload of light, sound, movement, color.  So many things to watch at once.  I enjoyed myself so much. I thing the best part was sitting next to Mel for the first half of the show and just watching her face.  It was super fun.

So after sleeping in late Sunday morning (I’m allowed), Joe told me that C & L are bringing the kids over.  What a blessing.  I got baby cuddled and hugs and just seeing the changes in those two little bundles.  Lightened my heart and made me even more ready for the holidays.

To my delight Joe and I have just booked a cruise for two to the Bahamas for New Years Eve.  It’s those rays of sunshine that make my little world a brighter space.   I’m a lucky woman.  He just wants me to have some fun before I start chemo again.  It’s already Dec. 20th so the resume day is coming in quickly.

I’m looking forward to having a houseful of people for Christmas Eve, but I’m even more looking forward to be sailing to the Bahama’s on New Years Eve.  I started thinking today that in 20 plus years of being together, we have never gone out for New Years Eve.  Always have prefered to stay at home and relax.  Not have to worry about drivers and such.  This year I get the best of both worlds.  I get to go to a gala party onboard ship and no-one has to drive home.  I’ve never heard of a fatal crash on an elevator.  Maybe down a flight of stairs.  I even already have the perfect dress for it, and shoes.  I’m so ready to have a relaxing time on board with my husband.  He needs to find some good books to read.  I’m already trying to figure the weight limit on catalogs.  Either that or little scraps of yarn so I can continue to make my little Ami Characters.  I’m getting better at them so I might be ready to show them off shortly.

I’m off to face another day.  I think I get some torching done today.  Maybe some goddesses, it’s been awhile.

Blessing to all of you.

 

Be it ever so humble…


So, last week I was seriously depressed.  Hated life, hated cancer, hated chemo.  So Joe, with his unfailing insight suggested that I contact some of my “torch friends” and see if I could take a two/three-day class somewhere (P.S.  to the man behind the curtain.  You’ve been outed my friend, and Thanks).  After not torching full-time for several years, and with the advent of Silver glass and TAG glass and beautiful murrini being made, I needed a refresher course on “How to make a bead 101”.

To my surprise and delight Ann Schermo Baldwin invited me to Virginia to play, laugh, whip me, beat me, make me make good beads. :).  I had such a blast.  And after the first day my confidence came back and watching her work is just mesmerizing.  I learned so many fun thing, and remembered so many fun things.  I truly needed this excursion to rebalance myself.  Thanks everyone that made it possible.

So, I got home and immediately went to fondle my glass and see what goodies I have that she showed me and was amazed at some of the things I’ve collected in the past couple years that I haven’t resold in my haze of meds.  I found lots of amazing silver glass and some Double Helix murrini and Double Helix rods and TAG rods and some really sweet Ventrofond that is at least six/seven years old that is layers of colors with clear.  I can’t wait to blow shards out of it.  It looks amazing.  And apparently I bought pounds of the new Effetre Handmade colors that have come out recently.  I had a box full, tucked in a corner, along with a box of Moretti 104 sheet glass.

I can’t wait till tomorrow to torch all day.  I have so many ideas going through my tiny head.  I’ll post pictures tomorrow of the beads I made with Ann and hope that my beads will continue to improve with practice.

It’s late and I’m tired.  It’s been a busy week.  Huggs to everyone. 

Blessings and goodnight.

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