Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘steroid rage’

Wow, the days are flying past.


And I have been terribly remiss about updating my blog.  50 lashes with a wet noodle to me.  Just so much going on.  If I even get on my computer it’s to delete the 100’s of spams and junk mail I get every day.  I try to be careful and not use my “real” mail address on websites, but somehow it trickles out anyway.

I appreciate my husband more than ever now that I’m in his shoes.  Having to do all the shopping and errands on top of cooking and cleaning and laundry.  I know mom and Joe are doing as much as they can to help with everything, but the worry about it getting done is all on me.

Joe is recovering slowly.  I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.  Hell, I don’t want to be in my shoes either, but what can ya do.

Had chemo yesterday and for some reason they doubled my steroids dose.  ‘Roid rage is nothing to mess with.  I feel like I have one nerve left and the whole world is tap dancing on it.  So what did I choose to do today?  Take my 82 yo MIL to K-Mart.  Yep, I put myself into the center of the storm and almost made it out without inflicting damage to anyone.   I say almost because I got to the checkout before snapping.

We got to the store and I pointed mom to the shoe dept since she wanted new slippers.  I had a list and can move faster alone so off I went.  I did splurge a bit, pillows and mattress covers were on sale so I bought new ones for our bed.  Love new bedding!  Finished off my list in record time then proceeded on the MIL hunt through the crowd of  females that seem to populate the store.  I must say at one time, while rolling through the isles, I found myself singing to the music pouring out from overhead.  Something about changing stupid locks and making him leave his key, when to my surprise, I hear several other ladies singing along.  I’ve finally reached that age where I don’t give a shit and will sing out loud if I want to.  What a great feeling.

Anyway, found mom, got her together, stopped and looked at some tops for her.  Made it to the checkout and I haven’t hit anyone yet, in fact am having a pretty good trip.  Then I check out.  Everything goes well, she rings me up while making pleasant conversation with me.  As she’s holding my last item to scan, her co-worker walks up and starts talking to her about working late and training a new girl.  Now I’m already on edge and these two are playing with fire.  I made it for approx 3 minutes before I interrupted with a resounding “excuse me, may I finish here?”  Now, I tried to be nice, but I’m sure the tone was there.  If looks could kill, I’d be toast.

OK, I’m typed out.  Gonna go relax and watch something fun on TV.

Peace ya’ll

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Another day in paradise.


Chemo yesterday was tough.  They gave me a new anti-nausea drug that set my lady parts on fire.  Was not a comfortable hour.  Came home and was so glad that I had pre-cooked the chicken for the Mole’.  Just had to heat it up, make some spanish rice and beans, heat tortillas and dinner was done in under 20 minutes.  Monday night I baked an apple pie and cut up a watermelon and a brick of cheese for people to munch on if I’m feeling out of it.

After six years of this shit, I’m becoming, finally, more proactive.  Ordering my scripts ahead of time.  Pre-planning meals and having them cooked and ready.  Fresh sheets on the bed the morning of, just in case I want to lay down after (plus, clean sheet night is always a bonus).

 

I’m working today on getting some cards sent out to friends and relations that I think of often.  I love getting cards from people, so in turn, I love sending them.  I got one yesterday that was so special.  Several months ago, one of Joe’s cousins came in from Washington State for a visit.  While we were there her brother took a photo of us.  She sent me a copy and what a lovely photo it is.  We all look so grown up and wise.  We have all gone through so much in our young lives to create the strong, intelligent women standing there.

 

Finally found the graphics for my next tat.  Isn’t he impressive?  Now to find an artist who can do him justice. I think I’m going to pull some steaks out of the freezer for dinner.  Slice up some potatoes and make a vegetable and a salad and call it dinner.  Right now, I’m going to try to get my husband out for a walk and maybe get out of the house for a while. Have an amazing evening all.

It’s Chemo day again – Horray!!


There are days, like today, when I wish and pray I could be a character in a Lewis Carroll novel.  I would dearly love to dive into the Rabbit Hole and into another world where bright colors abound and there are wonders around every corner.    I am, however, drawn more toward the Tim Burton version as opposed to the Disney.  I guess I’m just a bit twisted.

I am aware that wonderland is a “stoners” paradise, but when you consider the myriad of mind altering drugs they have me on.. I feel right at home.

Chemo went OK  .  I do wish they didn’t have to stick both arms twice. Right arm twice to get blood.  My vein is getting hard where they draw blood every time so sometimes it’s more than one stick.  Then it’s the IV in the left arm into which they pour a pint of saline to flush the vein.  Then a hypo of anti-nausea drug is injected into the IV (this stuff makes me tired and cotton mouthy).  Then it’s the bag ‘o steroids that they hang.  It’s about a twenty-minute drip and the effects are felt quickly.  The first sign is a severe burning and itching in all your warm, moist areas. Eyes, nose,  mouth, lower and even lower still.  Really bad until the IV stops.  I’ve discovered that ‘Roid rage is nothing to joke about.  I can go from zero to rip your head off and piss down your neck in seconds.  My heart is racing and my hands are shaking more than ever.  This effect will keep me from sleeping soundly for at least three days, which just aggravates me even more.  Then they finally hang the Alitma.  Another twenty-minute wait.  Not too bad but this stuff makes my stuff makes my stomach hurt.  While I’m waiting it’s the painful B-12 blast to the left shoulder.  So, I can’t lift my left arm, and my right arm hurts like the devil.

So, I’m a tired, bitchy, hungry, trembling, cold and aggravated.  And this is every three weeks for forever.  I think I’m off to take a hot bath.

Please grant me the serenity to not kill the kids around the corner who have been playing driveway hockey against a tarp for the past three hours, and the wisdom to not kill the parents of said kids who put a nice big light out in front of their house so the kids can practice at night too.

I’ve had a strong day today


I’m excited.  I’ve actually had a good day today.

Woke up early, 6:00 early to be exact.  Haven’t napped yet.  Cleaned the dining room, living room and started the entry hall.  Then I took Oscar for a walk around the block which is just short of a mile.

All this after chemo yesterday.  Are you as amazed as I am?

Just a bit of an upset stomach this morning, but not much else.

I think I’m liking the new steroid/b-12 combo they added to my IV.  Even though the steroids have me on edge today.  I’m feeling like I need to stay away from people today.  The nurses did warn me that the   evil twin will take hold for a day or two.  I can deal with her if you all can.

I think I’ll go and rest for a while, then make turkey with smashed potatoes and gravy for dinner.  Sounds yummy.

Have a lovely day.

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