Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘sleep’

A week full of highs and lows.


Spent last Saturday at an indoor water-park in Dundee, MI celebrating my grandsons 6th birthday.  I get such a kick out of watching the two kids together.  They will just spontaneously hug, for no reason.  None of my sibs and I were that close.  You only touched each other if you had to.

Needless to say, I spent half of Sun, all Mon. and most of Tues. in a viral induced coma, only interrupted by the repeated and prolonged runs to the bathroom combined with the grasping of the trash can like a lifesaver.  I feel like I have Rubber made stamped on my forehead.  I just can’t be around large groups of people anymore.  Every time I do I get sick.  Even grocery shopping I catch the flu.

After taking the usual three days to recover.  You know the days you mope around trying to connect head, stomach and legs all together again.  It was during that time frame when the neuropathy kicked into high gear.  I can’t sleep at night because of it and I’m useless during the day cause I can’t sleep at night.  It’s a catch 22 made in hell.  I’m going to up-dose on my Vicodin tonight to see if it helps at all.  I’m running on false energy today and tomorrow is Easter Sunday and we will be spending it with Tom, Carla and the girls.  The baby girls will be there too so I know I’m gonna be down again next week.  But to get to spend time with babies is so worth it.

And now for the high of the year, for me at least.  I did something today that I never in a million years thought I would ever do.  I spent more money on two concert tickets then I used to make in a two-week pay period.  But what tickets.  I got to score, thanks to my loving and very understanding of my love of rock husband, tickets to P!NK.  And not just any tickets, main floor section C, row 6 on the inside isle tickets.  Platinum club seats.  I can’t wait till November.  Joe knew how bummed I was that I missed the tickets for her show in April, when I asked he didn’t bat an eye.   I  get to see her P!NKness herself and that is so worth it.  So I’ll give up some crap I wanted done in the backyard this year, so what, I’m going to see P!NK.  Um, did I tell you I scored prime tickets to P!NK, the rock goddess and legend?

OK, I’m off for a hot soak and bed.  It’s been a day it has been.  Good night to all, safe dreams.

Sunday brushes off the dust of another week


New photo’s of an old room for your entertainment.  M & M came by last week and helped tape and paint the “horrid white room” and turned it into a picture of spring.  I love the Midori tone to this color.  It makes the room shine.

pre green room

M paintingB paintingM PaintingAlmost Green Room

Finished Green room

Finished green room1

This is the almost finished product.  I’m re-varnishing the floors right now, then we can put the furniture back in.  I need to get curtains and a comforter to match the room, put up a few pictures and some knickknacks on the shelves and we’ve got ourselves a great spare bedroom.

This is a beautiful glass piece we got to add to the living room.  I love it.  Made in Spain from recycled glass we picked it up for next to nothing.  We got 75% off the 50% off the 20% off the original price.  I love Art Van for things like this.  They buy tons of it to make their showrooms look good then move them to a corner of the Clearance Center where they keep getting marked down.  Most people wouldn’t have looked twice at this bottle #1, cause it’s huge, it stands even with our fourth stair riser, #2 it was a weird color in the store.  The fluorescent lighting made the white swirls a dingy grey color.  I almost passed it by too. Something in it interested me though so I took it outside to see it in natural light and it was beautiful, heavy, but beautiful.  I love buying special things for my home and not paying a small fortune for them.

New Vase 

And now my favorite part of the show….. my Orchid garden.  How wonderful it is to wake up every morning to see this amazing array of orchids.  Every morning greeted by the promise of spring, especially with the thick snowfall in the background.

Orchids

Orchids

It was a rough end to the week.  We had everything planned to head south to visit C & L and the Grands but I got stomach flu again.  I even volunteered to go to the doctors it was so bad.  I knew what she would say, “Plenty of liquids, B.R.A.T. diet (banana, rice, applesauce, toast)”.  I usually fight going to the doctors but I’ve been so sick so often lately it’s starting to bother me.  I know my immune system is shot which makes it less enjoyable to go out and do things when you know you are going to end up sick in a few days.  Even something as an innocuous as going to a comedy club will bring me to my knees.  It just sucks.

OMG, new reality show alert, or maybe it’s old and I’m just behind, whatever.  It’s a reality show about biker gangs and their funny wars.  The show I watched showed rival gangs  fighting over the colors they get to wear.  Big, tough, biker dudes gonna duke it out over the colors.  Seems kinda girly to me.  So did the fight scenes.  I’ve fought tougher girls in the day.

Nine am dentist appointment tomorrow.  Last two fillings and a cleaning.  Yippee.  Then Thurs. I get my CT scan after three months without chemo.  I’ve enjoyed the three months free of chemicals, but I’m ready to do what my doctor tells me to do.  And that’s stretching for me.  Giving that much power to someone.  Scary.

OK, I’m off to seek refuge from this hectic mind whirl with slumber, or perhaps a brownie then slumber.  Peace out all.

Wood floors and painting walls and cancer decisions.


There is nothing more satisfying to me than a clean, re-finished floor.

Since we got new furniture in the living room I thought it was time to do the annual two-year floor re-finish.

I have hardwood floors in both my dining room and the living room.  Every two years I scoot all the furniture into one corner and “redo” my floors.  Starts with a good vacuum.  All the corners done, the baseboard swept.  baseboard get a little tlc with some all-purpose cleaner.  Then go over it with a swiffer twice, using clean pads each time.  Then two washes with Orange Glo floor cleaner.  It deep cleans the wood and removes the old waxy buildup.  The final step is two coats of Orange Glo Wood floor re-finisher.  Sounds like a lot of work but it is so worth it.  Your floors gleam with this warm glow that makes the room look inviting.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA                        OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

We are also tackling finishing the guest bedroom.  Moved the small furniture out and have prepped the walls and ceiling for primer.  Here is a quick look at the room as it looked this morning:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA     OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA    OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA   OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The dresser and desk will be painted white and will remain in the room.  The bed that we purchased for the room is a twin sleigh bed.  We also purchased a white night stand to match.  I can’t wait to put green paint to the walls.  Tomorrow I tape.

Only a few more weeks till my next chemo.  It just looms over me.  I can’t decide if I was smart or stupid to wait the two months between treatments.  Not a decision made lightly .  It’s wonderful to have energy to do things around the house.  I’m loving not throwing up every morning.  My brain is clear and my decisions are sound.  It’s kind of nice to have an appetite again.  I do sleep a lot due to a too low a dose of thyroid medication, but we are working on that and that is helping also.

It’s late.  I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow I think I’ll tell the tale of the deer in the tub.

Have a great night all.  See you in the morning.

Someone slap me so I can sleep.


It’s been weeks.  I’m up all night, then sleep all day.  Or I sleep all night and nap all day.  I don’t know if it’s the weather or my medications interacting or what but I can’t seem to catch enough sleep.  I’m getting nothing done and am feeling the major guilt of leaving everything for everyone else to do.  Day  before yesterday I slept till 2:30 in the afternoon and I was back in bed by eight.

So yesterday I went to the doctors to discuss this problem, cause it is a problem.  We reviewed my medications, did blood work to check for Epstein Barr and for Jaundice.  Checked my white and reds and platelets.  Everything is normal.  My reds and whites are better than they have been in five years.  My platelets are at 25 which is almost normal for a chemo patient.  My meds (all twelve different kinds) checked out, although we decided to stop the Ambien.  According to all that I’ve read they become less effective the longer you are on them.  After six years, I’m past the point of even using them anymore.  So we will see if that changes anything.  I’m supposed to be more active during the day too.  Yep, it’s 4 below outside and sleeping and I’m supposed to go for a walk.  Not gonna happen.

Went out with mom and we both got hair cuts.  Feels good not to be shaggy.  But I don’t like places that don’t wash your hair first.  I’m paying the same price, but they just spray it wet with ice water and cut from there.  I want the shampoo, the scalp massage, the yummy smelling conditioner.  I figure I’m paying for it, I want it.  Last time I go to this place.

Then went to Home Depot with Joe.  Picked up the paint color for the last bedroom that needs to be redone.  It’s Behrs Sweet Midori 420B-5.  I wish I could snap a photo from their website but they have it blocked.  It’s an amazing green, I can’t wait to start painting.

Finally getting smarter about cleaning a two-story house.  Up to this point, I’ve done fairly well.  I have cleaning products in all the bathrooms so I don’t have to carry them from room to room.  I keep supplies of towelling, vinegar, baking soda and liquid soap upstairs and down. So between yesterday and today Joe and I have gotten both a Swiffer sweeper and duster, with refills, to put in the upstairs linen closet.  Now we don’t have to remember to drag them up and down stairs when we are using them.  One more step on the efficiency ladder.

Put on a sweatshirt from 1996 today.  It’s from a whale watching trip we took while on vacation with the kids.  One of the best times.

Off for dinner.  Gonna nosh on leftovers today.  We’ve had take out all week so there are tons of bits to pick from.  Have a wonderful night all.

 

Stupid is as stupid does


I wondered why I slept till 2 this afternoon.  I wondered why I felt “not quite right”, why I wasn’t hungry or thirsty or have any energy.  I just wanted to sleep and couldn’t, everything ached.  Till I looked at my patch and remembered that I was two days late with it.  So stupid.  I freaking know better.  What I was feeling was the first stages of withdrawal, I should so know these by now since I’m so stupid so often.

Found another angel today.  Joe went to the dentist and came back with a package of dental tools that they can’t use any more.  The last time I was in there the assistant and I were talking about glass work and tools and how we shared the same tools and what I used her tools for.  She since went around the office and collected all the “unusable’s” and packaged them up for me.  I love it when angels peek around corners and let you see their faces, even for a split second.  I got a warm, full sensation right around my heart.  That someone would remember a casual conversation and go beyond to actually find tools for me and to make sure I got them, that takes a big ‘ol heart.

Spent the evening watching “another Karate Kid” with Hillary Swank and I’m so wondering how old she was when this movie was made.  The poor costumer spent every minute of the movie trying to cover her adult sized breasts.  I’m amazed they didn’t make more appearances  they did.  I’m convinced they kept making these movies to give Pat Morita a job for another few years. Why is it that I can watch these silly teen-age movies over and over and can only stomach James Bond and his ilk only once?

I’m off to bed.  I can’t believe I slept most of the day away and I’m still tired.  I think my SAD is rearing up again.  Lovely, seasonal depression on top of everyday depression.  A double dose.

Anyone watch the show “Double Diva’s” last night.  Yep, they finally did it.  The advertising boobs made a show about boobs.  Big Boobs too.  Not your everyday boobs.  All we need now is one called “Big Banana Hammocks” and they will have shown all their cards.  We already have the boobs and the ass (Ms Kim) covered.

Really off to bed now.  My thoughts are taking on a random pattern even I’m not comfortable with.

I can’t believe I can’t write


Every time I sit down to put my thoughts to screen (can’t say paper anymore) I find other things to do.  I have turned into a first-rate procrastinator.  Although I have been busy lately, trying to get the basement organized is a lot of work.

I do think I’m coming down with some variation of the Epstein Barr virus.  I’m sleeping constantly, have no appetite and am generally lethargic.  I even fell asleep in a restaurant Sunday.  Like some drunk in the corner, snoring away.  How embarrassing, and I was only drinking  iced tea.

Had to get another root canal yesterday.  These things suck.  Now I have to wait weeks for the crown to come in.  I have to be careful of everything I eat till I get the crown.  I don’t want to lose what’s left of the tooth.

Michigan is into a “just kidding” phase in the weather.  The sun is shining and the sky is a brilliant blue, but it is frigid cold outside.  Looks tropical, feels arctic.

So until I get my writing muse back, I’m sending you photo’s of our vacation.  Hope you enjoy them.

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Seven days in the hospital makes one weak….


Tuesday before last  I went in for my normal chemo.  I felt like dog poop and probably looked almost as attractive as I felt.  My  oncologist took one look at me and told me that we were  skipping chemo and going directly into a hospital bed.  I was so dehydrated from vomiting that I could barely stand up.  So, I spent seven days in.  I don’t remember much about it, I slept a lot and the pain meds always help.  So now I’m home and getting ready for the Holidays.

I have a question.  I was watching one of my cooking shows the other day and the theme was Holiday.  This is the show where four chefs are given “mystery baskets” and have to use all ingredients in a dish.  By process of elimination they determine a winner.  If the theme is Holiday, who’s to say the chef’s had to do December themed Holiday food.  I would have gone totally off the cliff and done Easter or Halloween.  They did not specify which holiday or what month that holiday had to fall in.

The great news by far this month, the rockingest news is that Joe and I have just signed up for a ten-day cruise. I can’t believe it. After we missed our trip to Ireland due to his knee, We were so lucky to get last-minute air fare and cruise prices. The ship leaves out of Miami on Monday, Yep, two days. Good think I know how to pack. I’ve set everything out and just have to put 1/2 of it back.

OK, I put back half and I still have a ton too much.  10 days is a lot of ground to cover.  Got to make sure I pack a hat and sunscreen.  I have my white masks and my tea tree oil  mix for the flight and the crowded areas on the ship.  I’m determined not to get sick again.

This is so exciting, I think we’ve only been to two of these ports so we get new places to explore.  We leave out of Miami, then Nassau, Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Roatan, Belize, Cozumel then back to Miami.  The temperature is between 76 and 84 but I’m still taking sweaters and warm clothes.  I get cold so easily, but I’m getting smarter.  Lots of leggings to wear under dresses with boots and my strappy stiletto heels.

So if you are looking for us between the 10th and the 21st, don’t bother. We will be cruising Mexico, drinking rum punches and howling at the moon. Senior Frogs, look out. I wonder how many we can hit this year.  I’m glad there won’t be as much walking as there would have been in Ireland.

I’m so glad I worked so hard to finish mom’s room before Thanksgiving.  She’s coming down to stay with the house and MIL and Oscar.  Everything just fell into place to create the perfect vacation timing.

I’m off to shed more clothes from the “pack me” pile.  Have a great night all.  I doubt I’ll sleep much.

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