Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘sad’

Stupid is as stupid does


I wondered why I slept till 2 this afternoon.  I wondered why I felt “not quite right”, why I wasn’t hungry or thirsty or have any energy.  I just wanted to sleep and couldn’t, everything ached.  Till I looked at my patch and remembered that I was two days late with it.  So stupid.  I freaking know better.  What I was feeling was the first stages of withdrawal, I should so know these by now since I’m so stupid so often.

Found another angel today.  Joe went to the dentist and came back with a package of dental tools that they can’t use any more.  The last time I was in there the assistant and I were talking about glass work and tools and how we shared the same tools and what I used her tools for.  She since went around the office and collected all the “unusable’s” and packaged them up for me.  I love it when angels peek around corners and let you see their faces, even for a split second.  I got a warm, full sensation right around my heart.  That someone would remember a casual conversation and go beyond to actually find tools for me and to make sure I got them, that takes a big ‘ol heart.

Spent the evening watching “another Karate Kid” with Hillary Swank and I’m so wondering how old she was when this movie was made.  The poor costumer spent every minute of the movie trying to cover her adult sized breasts.  I’m amazed they didn’t make more appearances  they did.  I’m convinced they kept making these movies to give Pat Morita a job for another few years. Why is it that I can watch these silly teen-age movies over and over and can only stomach James Bond and his ilk only once?

I’m off to bed.  I can’t believe I slept most of the day away and I’m still tired.  I think my SAD is rearing up again.  Lovely, seasonal depression on top of everyday depression.  A double dose.

Anyone watch the show “Double Diva’s” last night.  Yep, they finally did it.  The advertising boobs made a show about boobs.  Big Boobs too.  Not your everyday boobs.  All we need now is one called “Big Banana Hammocks” and they will have shown all their cards.  We already have the boobs and the ass (Ms Kim) covered.

Really off to bed now.  My thoughts are taking on a random pattern even I’m not comfortable with.

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Saw the Radiation Oncologyst today.


I start Radiation probably on Monday, maybe sooner.  From his considered opinion I will get at least 14 rounds of radiation, that’s M-F with the weekends off for good behavior.  Now since I’m running consecutively with my chemo, I’m gonna be hurtin’ for certain.  I so don’t want to go through this again.  The first two/three weeks I’ll be fine.  Then it’s gonna hit me like a Mack truck doing 80. 

I am just completely sad.  My heart hurts.  I’m having a hard time dealing with this right now.

More later.

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