Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘neighbors’

Got my CT results today


And the results are………

No sign of cancer cells anywhere in my body.  Can anyone say “Total Remission”?  I can, cause I’m livin’ it.  I still have to go for six months of “maintenance chemo” so my brain isn’t quite set on the “cured” yet.  My heart is soaring though.

Thanks to everyone who helped me through this.  It’s been a long road, and there is no guarantees that it will never show up again, but for now, for now, I will gladly take “remission”.  So crack a cold one for me tonite, raise your glass to the heavens and give a toast to whoever is running the ship.  I am officially a 1%’r.  Only 1% of the people with my type of cancer beat it twice.  The gods have smiled upon me again.

Now on to other stuff.  As you can imagine it’s been a strange week for me.  Seems like my meds have been off and I’m losing/misplacing things.  Strange things are happening in my world and I’m just seeing it.  I’ve been taking photo’s of mushrooms lately just cause they are fascinating but this past week I haven’t found any.  No weather changes or anything.  Just no fungus.  Well today Oscar and I stopped and picked up Pookie (the little Scottie from crossed the street).  Her owner is having problems getting around now and she uses a cane so Pookie is getting a little porcine.  I figured we were doing the mile and she could use it.  So we were halfway around the block and I suddenly realized that there was a tree full of birds up ahead.  I’m talking hundred of sparrows just chirping their little hearts out.  I kept staring at the tree, thinking what a wondrous sight and sound I was experiencing when I looked down.  There on the ground was one of their fallen.  The birds were mourning one of their own.  I walked right under this tree, with birds 3-4 inches from my face.  They didn’t move.  Just kept chirping. 

Joe took me to Max and Erma’s to celebrate.  Since swallowing is a bit of a problem right now, I feasted on French Onion soup.  It was delish, as always.  So now we’re home.  I need to get Oscar fed, take my meds and cuddle up in my big red chair and just treasure this little pearl I have in my heart “cured” is such a cool word.

Have a lovely, lovely evening my friends.

Where did peaceful Suburbia go?


I remember that while growing up, suburbia was an up and coming concept for all of the post Korean war veterans.  Cheap houses, put together “pre-fab” and assembled on your lot.  It would take about two weeks from down payment to move in.  Paint, lights and fixtures included and if you didn’t like them, you were free to change them at your cost.  The men were proud of their homes and no matter what went on inside, the outsides were immaculate.  Lawns were mown, weeds pulled, hedges trimmed and all done on Saturday afternoon between 10 am and 1 pm.

It was a silent ritual.  8:00 breakfast and to hand out punishments for the week.  By 9:30 garage doors start opening and you see the men in their summer outfits.  Knee shorts of some wild plaid design, white ankle socks and buckle sandals.  Usually accompanied by the shirt of choice.  It has started, the ritual, the checking of gas in the tank, checking the gap on the spark plugs.  At 10 am they would emerge, those mighty warriors of the suburban lawn and the battle would commence.  Everything must be done and put away by 1 pm.  I don’t know what kind of silent ridicule befell the man who was last, but it had to be something.   Perhaps he had to buy the first round that night, who knows.  All I can tell you is that by 1:30 they were showered and shaved with a cold beer in hand and a ball game on.

After 1pm on Saturday and all through the week the resounding silence from machines was deafening.  Kids could be heard shouting and laughing, birds chirping  and ladies chatting over the fences.  I didn’t realize what bliss was. 

Today, Wednesday, I walked out on my deck at 1:00 thinking to enjoy the sun and the slight breeze that had cropped up.  Perhaps take some photo’s of my flowers and the birds at the feeder.  Oh, but it was not to be.  In a single half hour period no less than three houses had the mega mowers at their house mowing the lawn.  In the middle of the day, in the middle of the week.  Is there no solitude to be had anymore.    Now I know I’m a bit bitchy right now, the Lumbar Puncture created the headache from hell, but come-on.  Even I know that mowing during the heat of the day stresses your lawn.  Give us some peace mega mowers.  Do your jobs in the mornings or on weekends and let the rest of us rest.

It’s going to be a great weekend.  Two of my favorite niece’s are coming in from out-of-state with their spouses, one on Thurs one on Fri, then C & L are bringing the babies over to swim on Saturday.  There is nothing that makes me feel more like me than to hear the sounds of laughter coming from my yard and home.  It makes my heart swell to know I have these incredible people in my life.  And these two amazing little people, I  just Love them, they have me wrapped and they know it.  So lots of cookouts and swimming and living life large with my some of my favorites.

Update on medical:  Monday, got my Lumbar puncture (frickin ouch), Tuesday, radiation as normal, Wednesday: no radiation, the machine broke and I didn’t want to wait.  Was feeling kinda sweaty, chilly, pukey anyway.  Figured out quickly that I had lost another patch so withdrawal was starting.  I think I’m going to start backing off on the patches.  I’d rather be in uncomfortable pain then to go through that again.  Talked to Dr. and we worked out a plan. So in two weeks, I’ll be a little more uncomfortable, but I won’t have to worry about that stupid patch.

It’s 3:15 and I’m wide ass awake.  I slept all day with this headache and now I’m screwed.  I think I’ll surf a bit then try again.  Night all.  Huggs to you all.

I’ll leave you with this to start your day.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R36CixkIaIc .  Sorry, It’s in my head and now it’s in yours.

I’m totally in hell


After three nights and four days alone in my semi-private room I got a roommate.  What a sow.  They wheeled her in at 10:00 pm from another room because she requested a new room.  Apparently the nurses weren’t the correct ethnicity for her sorry ass.  Now she’s stuck in my room.  For the past three hours I’ve been bombarded with how terrible this hospital is and the food sucks and the TV sucks and the IV’s hurt.  I finally told her I had to sleep and rolled over.  At that point, 12:00, she picks up the phone to call everyone she knows, and in a loud booming voice, announces where she is and why.  Finally she decides to watch TV.  Of course the selections suck.  But that doesn’t stop her from running the channels 5-7 times while giving full discourse on what is on each channel.  It’s now 2:00 and she’s opening a bag of chips and a soda.  Christ, keep me from strangling this woman during the night.  If she snores, Heaven help her.

Off to try to get some sleep.  Nite all.

Well, Got bad news and no news


Saw the ENT yesterday for biopsy results.  And, drumroll please, It’s back.  She can’t tell me how big, bad, fast or far it is, but the pathology report indicated a positive result.  Apparently the “histology is similar to my previous diagnosis of non small cell ca”.

Which is a really bad.  That means that in all likely hood, I have lung cancer again.  The markers indicated that it was from the lung.  So, what now?  I see the oncologist today at 3:00.  While he will be able to give us a more concrete diagnosis I am under no illusions that the “exploring” has just begun.  More tests, scans, biopsies will follow.  Knowing Dr. M. it will be fast and furious from diagnosis to treatment.  So today is another hurry up and wait day.

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when there was a knock on my door and two sweet pre-teen girls were standing on my porch.  They asked very politely if they could take my dogs for a walk.  Me, thinking they were little go-getters and appreciating that in a person, asked what they charged for their service.  “Nothing,” they replied, “we heard you were sick again and wanted to help.”  I wanted to cry.  I’ll have to introduce them to Mo before I’ll trust him with them, but he’s doing so great with people so I don’t think I’ll have any problems.  And I will certainly not refuse such a generous offer.  Last time I didn’t want to accept offers of kindness because I didn’t want to burden anyone.  This time, when help is offered I will gladly accept. 

I’ll follow-up with more when I know more.  Love to all.

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