Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘life changes’

Another day, another drip.


It was chemo day today.  Joe took me so I wouldn’t be tempted to drive myself, even though I am perfectly capable of driving the short distance to the hospital.  Bad headache right now.  Strange one.  Lots of colors and pretty lights behind  my eyes, reacting to sounds and movement.  Loud buzzing in my ears, not a ringing like a bell, more an electrical wire buzz.

If I close my eyes and lean back I can envision the chemo as a purple caped avenger, plundering a white blood cell till there is nothing left to take, then “swish”, move on to defeat another.  I have to imagine that it’s doing me some good, because something that makes me feel this bad had better be good for me or I’m gonna kicks some ass somewhere.

I need a calendar.  I used to have one, but like most things that are put in my hands, it disappeared.  It will reappear later in life, rest assured.  I will stumble upon it in the most inappropriate place it could possibly be.  It’s been a pattern my entire life.  If I don’t keep strict track of things and know where things are, they are gone.  I know it’s chemo brain.  I pick something up without thinking and set it down somewhere it doesn’t belong thinking to get back to it later than I forget what I was doing and where I was so I go and eat a Twinkie and watch re-runs of Pawn Stars.

Which is where I’m going now.  Good night all.  Sleep well.

I think I’ve discovered something.


I think I’m sad and kinda in a funk because of a lack of reading materials at my house.  A tragedy for a voracious like myself.  And it’s not like I can just run out and buy my favorite reading materials either.  They have to be sent to my door.

Let me explain.  As a child and well into my adult years I loved reading books.  I would have four or five going at a time and I would know where I was on each one according to the storyline.  I would read text books, instruction books, novels, bio’s.  You name it, I’d read it.  Then I got cancer.  And my attention span changed and I went downhill quickly.

First I gave up the more technical reading and stuck to novels, then to shorter novels and only one at a time.  Then I went to magazines.  Especially cooking magazines.  Then I regressed to the “throw away’s” you buy at the checkout stand.  I fell hard from there.  Into Catalog heaven.  They were great.  Short stories, pretty pictures, wish list kind of stuff for someone housebound and out of reach of a credit card.   And I used to get tons of them.  Every kind of catalog you can imagine crossed my door.  Major stores like Penny’s and Macy’s would come out with the big one this time of year and those would be good reading for week.  But not this year.  Here it is, almost October first and I’ve gotten no Christmas catalogs yet.  Sure, I’ve gotten a couple of off the wall ones like “wireless” and “catalog favorites”,  but those are light in content while pretty in color. 

And I can’t shop on the internet.  I have serious ADD when it comes to the wireless world and I am quickly diverted from my path by other windows opening onto places I don’t want to be.  Or I’ll remember something that would go perfectly with this thing I just found, but I can’t remember what website it was at.  Frustrating.  I’ll buy online, but I like the pretty pictures.  Which is the reason for this rant to begin with. 

I need more catalogs to keep me stimulated.  Any idea’s on where to sign up for new and interesting ones would be appreciated.  (And yes, I have a novel that I’ve been reading since the beginning of April.  I’m on page 25 and haven’t got a clue what it’s about)

So, with that off my chest I’m off to shop, I mean read, my latest gift from the mailbox gods.

Hope your week has been well and challenging.  Without challenge there is no resistance.  Without resistance there is no challenge.  Challenge yourselves.

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