Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘Health’

CT results yesterday, Cancer free for another three!!!

Months that is… but I’ll take every one of those months and cherish them like the shining coins that they are.

And that’s all I have to say for today.

Someone slap me so I can sleep.

It’s been weeks.  I’m up all night, then sleep all day.  Or I sleep all night and nap all day.  I don’t know if it’s the weather or my medications interacting or what but I can’t seem to catch enough sleep.  I’m getting nothing done and am feeling the major guilt of leaving everything for everyone else to do.  Day  before yesterday I slept till 2:30 in the afternoon and I was back in bed by eight.

So yesterday I went to the doctors to discuss this problem, cause it is a problem.  We reviewed my medications, did blood work to check for Epstein Barr and for Jaundice.  Checked my white and reds and platelets.  Everything is normal.  My reds and whites are better than they have been in five years.  My platelets are at 25 which is almost normal for a chemo patient.  My meds (all twelve different kinds) checked out, although we decided to stop the Ambien.  According to all that I’ve read they become less effective the longer you are on them.  After six years, I’m past the point of even using them anymore.  So we will see if that changes anything.  I’m supposed to be more active during the day too.  Yep, it’s 4 below outside and sleeping and I’m supposed to go for a walk.  Not gonna happen.

Went out with mom and we both got hair cuts.  Feels good not to be shaggy.  But I don’t like places that don’t wash your hair first.  I’m paying the same price, but they just spray it wet with ice water and cut from there.  I want the shampoo, the scalp massage, the yummy smelling conditioner.  I figure I’m paying for it, I want it.  Last time I go to this place.

Then went to Home Depot with Joe.  Picked up the paint color for the last bedroom that needs to be redone.  It’s Behrs Sweet Midori 420B-5.  I wish I could snap a photo from their website but they have it blocked.  It’s an amazing green, I can’t wait to start painting.

Finally getting smarter about cleaning a two-story house.  Up to this point, I’ve done fairly well.  I have cleaning products in all the bathrooms so I don’t have to carry them from room to room.  I keep supplies of towelling, vinegar, baking soda and liquid soap upstairs and down. So between yesterday and today Joe and I have gotten both a Swiffer sweeper and duster, with refills, to put in the upstairs linen closet.  Now we don’t have to remember to drag them up and down stairs when we are using them.  One more step on the efficiency ladder.

Put on a sweatshirt from 1996 today.  It’s from a whale watching trip we took while on vacation with the kids.  One of the best times.

Off for dinner.  Gonna nosh on leftovers today.  We’ve had take out all week so there are tons of bits to pick from.  Have a wonderful night all.


Another chemo day

Five glorious weeks since my last chemo.  I’ve felt so good for the past four days and now I go back in this afternoon to get hammered again.  Seriously, I wonder if  he will let me go five weeks apart instead of three.  I’m convinced that if I wouldn’t have been so sick with this chest cold and stomach flu I would have felt this good for much longer.  I’m still coughing like an old man and there is a little (big) pain in my chest when I cough.  The neurontin has kicked in and my back pain is still down to a three.  I’m OK with that.

I’d forgotten how irritating a tattoo is the second day.  The burning and itching.  But I’m so happy with it.

Just finished a really good book, so good I had Joe read it too.  It’s called ‘Barking at prozac, my diary.  It’s about depression and the feelings of sinking into, being in, and climbing out of depression I hope it Joe understand what’s going on in my head when I sink into that hole for a few days.

Watched a very moving movie the other day called “Desert Flower”.   The movie was based on a true story of a girls struggle in Somalia.  I really want to get this book.  It is a true story that is so moving and inspiring.

OK, we are off to the bank, then chemo, then Michael’s for more yarn (like I need more, you should see my basement, anyone want yarn?).  I think there may even be a Home Depot trip in there somewhere.

Have a great day all.  Keep up the comments please.  I love hearing back from you all.

Sometimes reality hits you like a brick

I was just reading a blog from a young lady who has just finished her breast cancer journey.  She was so excited to have all her blank days in front of her.  No doctors appointments, no chemo, no radiation.  Just freedom from cancer.

Then I started to cry.

I remember that day, week, month even years that I thought I was cancer free.  Four and a half years.  Six months from the “five-year survivor” mark.  (The general rule is 5 yrs and it won’t be back) Then I woke one day with that feeling.  That miserable, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that let’s you know “I’m back”.

Then there was “round two”.

Now they say I’m a NERD again (no evidence of recurring disease) even though I have to go every three weeks for chemo.

I asked the new oncologist on Tuesday about this drug they have me on.  It’s supposed to stop the cancer cells from spreading.  I asked him how long I’d have to be on it and he told me what I already know.  I’ll be on it for the rest of my life unless one of two things happen, either they cure cancer, or my body decides it’s had enough and becomes immune to the drugs.

I had to go out to interact with people today.  I figured out long ago that most people don’t really want to hear the answers when they ask how you are doing.  They want to hear “fine”,  sometimes I go into details just to watch their eyes glaze over.  It’s a good thing I can act, I should have a freaking Emmy by now.  I hate having to pretend, but I won’t do the pity party thing either.

I think it’s time for a nice nap now.  Have a good day everyone.

Easy Peasy they said

It’s just a little test. Will only take a few minutes. They lie like a bad toupee.

Had a biopsy done on my thyroid today. Three hours and it hurts hell. I want a freaking bottle of tequila and I want it now. Vicodin won’t touch this much pain alone.

Got there right on time and went into admitting and waited, and waited. After 5 minutes of waiting to check in, I finally walk down the row of cubicles to find three workers chatting. I don’t wait well, and I think I kinda let them know that in my not so subtle way. So, I get checked in and get sent upstairs for blood work. You would think this would be done in a nice sterile area, right. Not at Botsford. You go through a door, past the receptionist, right at the file cabinets and tucked into a corner is a little chair with a rolling cart full of blood drawing supplies. I can see everyone at their desks, on their phones, doing their jobs. unfortunately, they can see me too. I’m glad I’m not a fainter. That would have been ugly.

So, I go back to admitting so they can direct us to my next test area. And we head back to the ultrasound area. Now most women knows what an ultrasound is and even if they know it’s on a different body part, we still panic a bit. I was naturally confused since I had the ultrasound two weeks ago and I was there for a biopsy. This is where I learned a new phrase, “ultrasound guided biopsy”. Sounds kinda pretty doesn’t it? So they lead us into a waiting room and with a cheery, “someone will get you soon”, they disappear.

Now the first thing I notice is the freezing air. I’m talking there are blankets piled on the chairs it’s so cold in there. It’s OK, I dressed for it, but I grabbed one of those warm blankets anyway and sit down to wait. Ninety long, cold, boring minutes passed before they came and got me. I was up after an hour waiting and asking if there was a problem and by the time she checked and got back to me another half hour passed and they came and got me anyway.

Now they lead me to the ultrasound room and I notice that there are a lot of people there. Usually it’s just you and the tech and today there were two techs, a doctor, a nurse, two lab techs and a partridge in a pear tree. I was in trouble.

I did get to watch the biopsy on the monitor, since I had to keep my head turned that way.

The went pretty easily from there. Some needle sticks, a little sharp pain then done in thirty-five minutes. Now that the lidocaine has worn off though, I’m rethinking the tequila we spoke about earlier. Have a marvelous night my friends. Have a blast this weekend.

Yesterday dawned clear and bright

The birds were singing the sun was shining.  Joe and I went out Monday and picked up some plants for the front flower bed.  Two years ago, I had him rip out a bunch of 20-year-old shrubs that were on their last legs anyway.  So it’s been pretty barren landscape wise.  Although one full quarter is blooming voraciously with things I put in last year.  And the sporadic hostas that got shoved in are doing well.  Even the peony that I thought wouldn’t make it has come back.

Now to get the back yard done.  And it all starts with a tarp.  I have my flowers for my pots, just can’t fill my pots yet cause they are being used as weights for the big black tarp.  We were gonna remove the tarp today, but of course, it rained all night so the tarp is again full of water.  Cant remove the tarp till the waters gone.  So, I’m gonna get that pump humming today.  I want to see beautiful blue water.  Not some black pit.

On the cancer front.  Went for chemo yesterday.  The oncologist said that my C/T scan was normal and showed no evidence of recurring cancers.  But since my thyroid is still swollen and he doesn’t know if it’s scar tissue from the radiation or something else so I’m off to the ENT to have that lovely scope threaded through my nose and down my throat. Yippee.  Oh and it’s almost time again for the GT twins, upper and lower.  Just to make sure there are no holes anywhere.  And, if I’m not mistaken it’s time to get squished and a visit to the lady doctor.  June is tune up month.  Even Oscar has his regular checkups in June.

Got some work done in my ETSY shop over the weekend.  Lots of new vessels listed.  If you like any, and yes, this is blatant advertising, but it’s my stuff so shut up, use coupon code VESSELS512.  It’s only good till the end of the month.  Here are some tempters.


Weekends were made for this.

Had a really nice weekend.  Very calm and relaxing.  My heart and spirit are happy and rested.  Now I have to rest the rest of me.

Drove down to Columbus to see C & L and the Grands.  I so love hanging out with them.  This time was so nice and calm.  Friday night we had chicken kabobs on the grill and rice and it was perfect.  I ate everything but one piece of onion.  It was so good.  Then we had a fire in the pit and just sat and talked.  I even stayed up till after 10:30.

Of course Saturday I slept in late.  Harp promptly  informed me that I was the house lazy bones, even Sissy beat me awake.  We spent the day just puttering around the house.  Hanging out outside while the kids came and went.  Watch C&L tear up their front grass.  Took tons of pictures and ninja videos of everyone.


Anyone have a good suggestion for a piece of software that will help me splice tons of little video clips into one movie?  I haven’t found one yet.  I have hundreds of video clips and need an easy software.

Anyway, Saturday night we went to dinner at a “famous German Sausage restaurant” in Columbus.  Joe and I had watch a Food Network show that featured this particular place and Joe thought it would be a good place to go for dinner.  It had looked really good on TV.  However, once we got there the choices looked kinda sad and overdone.  I ended up ordering off the menu, which turned out to be a really good idea since my sandwich was really good.  Smoked ham on a pretzel roll.  I ate half of it and was stuffed.  After, we took a great tour of downtown Columbus then went back home to hang out.

Sunday morning was beautiful.  Got up early and just enjoyed the house waking up.  I love listening to the little ones chatter away.  Harper made me a handmade card with hearts in it.  I’ve already hung it on my board downstairs.  He also gave me flowers and pictures.  I was so touched by how thoughtful they were.  It was a really great morning.

We e took our time getting home and just hung out for the rest of the night.  I think the most important thing about this weekend is that I forgot to be sick for a couple of days.  Little ones don’t care.  They just wanted Grandma B to run around the house with them and Oscar.

Today is putz in the backyard day and rest up.  Catching up on laundry and draining the pit.  Have a lovely day everyone.  Enjoy the sunshine.  Fill up on those wonderful D’s.

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