Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘friends’


A day not totally wasted.

Did some work on my computer today.  Printed out vouchers for a couple of classes I’ve signed up for.  One is for a glass blowing class and the other is the class you need to take for your real estate license.  I may not do either one ever again, but at least I will know how to do it. I’m going to dedicate this year to learning.  Taking all the training classes I can, reading all the tutorials I can get my hands on.  I’m going to make an honest effort to improve my glass skills and if it is not in me to become a great lampworker, well, I can still pull cane and murinni for those who use it.  I’m getting pretty good at blowing shards too.

I am also working on opening my second ETSY shop.  This one with my handmade goods.  Crochet, knit and hand sewn items.  Keeping one shop open and fresh is hard.  Two will be even more interesting.  I have to be careful not to overload myself.  Learn balance.  I’m just so tired of doing nothing.  If I’m going to be sick, I’m going to be the best sick person I’ve ever seen.

We just got back from a 25th anniversary party.  I love seeing all the young people growing older and the babies getting bigger.  Everyone had a great time, I love seeing friends and family.  Can you imagine being married to someone for 25 years?  Joe and I are going on 14 this year, and those are just married years.  I’m not counting the longest engagement in history.  It’s a good feeling to know that you have found the person that you want to torment for the rest of your life.

Did you all notice the photo of the houseboat added to my home page.  That is my new dream retirement home.  Currently docked in the harbor of St. Thomas USVI, I’m convinced that I could live the rest of my life there.  I’ve also updated my “scary toys” tab to reflect my latest unusual finds.  I do have to start cooking again so I can list some more recipes.

Off to bed.  My little head is pounding.  Another round of chemo coming on Tuesday.  I can feel my body gearing up for the next wave of poisons to pour in.  Yippee for me.

Have a great night everyone.

(Rhema, may the fairies tickle your dreams tonite darling)

Drumroll please……

The winner is the Alitma!!  Apparently my puny little cancer cells didn’t measure up to the big gun medicine so he backed off the dosage of Altima by 25% and we’ll see how I do on that.  I can already tell that this is coursing through my body at light speed.  Little pearl of poison infiltrating my cell structure to wreak havoc over the mutant cancer invaders.  Maybe my life is one big video game.  I keep getting restarts on the cancer thing till I get it right and move to the next level.  What fun that will bring.

Did have something interesting happen today at the oncologists office.  A little background here, as little as possible.  In 2006 when I was first diagnosed with cancer everyone rallied to my support, with the outstanding exception of the two people I directly reported to and the one person I worked with.  Now for four years I spent 10 hours a day with these people, the one that I worked with I thought was one of my greatest friends.  We shared everything.  Anyway, as soon as I was diagnosed, I ceased to exist for those three people, most notably the one I thought was my friend.  Calls were not returned.  Lunch meetings with other friends she always had an excuse not to attend.  I’ve seen her twice, both accidental meetings, since I left work.  Guess who I ran into today.

Sure enough, walked into the doctor’s office today and there she stood.  Big as life and she remembers me.  I don’t look anything like I did then so I don’t know how, but she did.  She put the big show biz grin on her face as she squealed out my name and made to hug me.  I looked her in the eye, exchanged a quick “hi, howareya”, and continued on talking to the nurse.  I knew who she was, she hasn’t changed a bit.  I know I should have been more civil, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to be.  She dropped me like a hot rock without a word or reason.  She hurt more than my feelings during those months.

Anyway, I think I handled it well, like a lady and an adult.  I wanted to scream and cry and ask her why, but I maintained control.  I hope I can handle the rest of this chemo with that much control.

Good night all. Sleep well.


The path of ones thoughts

I was dusting the family room earlier today and came acrossed a stack of postcards and letters that had yet to be put in my journal, so I gathered my “Journey” journal and started adding to it.  One of the cards was from a very dear woman, whom shall be known as R, who sent me such words of encouragement and joy.  We started e-mailing each other on a regular basis, just keeping up on each others lives.

So, also while I was dusting I unearthed a lovely book of prose printed on handmade paper.   The title caught my eye “The language of Courage and Inner Strength”, so I took a short break from my chores and sat down to see what was in it.  The poems were lovely and very thought-provoking and I started to wonder where I had gotten this tome from.  Usually if I receive a book as a gift, I will  note somewhere who I received it from and the date.  This book, nothing.  As I continued turning pages, wracking my feeble brain in an attempt to remember where this book came from, when a little slip of paper fluttered out.  Yep, it was from R.

So it really wasn’t hard to figure out who the book from came from today.  I had shared my excitement over a book I had read about a subject we are both interested in, so she sent me a book to further my studies.  I’m excited to read it.

I’m so blessed to have friends like her in my life.  People who care about you without needing something in return.  I’m so tired of being needed.  Wanted is one thing, being needed is another matter entirely.

Oh, good subject for tomorrow.  I’m off to bed.  Blessing to you all.

A Hotwheel racer, a Mastodon and a half eaten candy cane…

Along with two power ranger arms, a chocolate kiss (squished) and what I think might have been a cookie at one time but is an interesting furry thing now.

Yep, cleaned out under my couches after Christmas.  I have hardwood floors and once a month I do “dog hair” duty along the walls and under the furniture with a Swiffer sweeper just to give the floor a shine.  After having several houseful,s of friends and families and their kids, it was time.  I always love my “treasure hunt” cleans after the kids have been here.  For a bunch of kiddies under ten years old, they are really good about picking up the toys and putting them back upstairs when they are done.  I find it helps when they understand that they can bring down whatever they want, but they have to put them back when they are done with them.  I fully understand that in the midst of the chaos of Holiday parties, things get overlooked (like the toys under my couch) especially by the little ones.

What I don’t get are the adults and the words they leave behind.  Things like “I’ll call soon”, or “Let’s get together for lunch”, and the infamous, “let’s go shopping”.  Please don’t leave words behind that you’ve forgotten already.  Unlike kids toys, when you stumble over a reminder of someone who has offered to pick you up and take you out, and never has, it hurts.

I’d rather have the toys, At least those I can smile at with happy memories.

Cruise catch up thread

Not much going on here today so thought I’d update you all on our cruise.

We were at sea all day.  Slept late, the boat rocks you like a baby.  And the fresh air.  The first days everyone sleeps for hours.

Calm, blue skies, fluffy clouds and the brisk wind of a ship doing about 50 mph into the wind.  I had whip marks on my cheeks from my hair being whipped around.

Did get to sit in the sun for a while on deck.

Enjoyed what the ship had to offer.   Ate pretty well (BBQ on deck), live music by the pool.  Just enjoyed the day.  I even got to see things I wish I hadn’t saw (Healthy size lady, pink flowy dress, no underwear, stiff wind, draw your own conclusions).

Roast pork loin for dinner was edible, not to my liking though, too much cranberry glaze masked the flavor of the pork.

Did get to see a professional juggler, Charles Peachock in the Stardust ball room.  He was amazing.  I really want to learn to juggle this year.  I’ve wanted to for the past three years and this year I will.

St. Thomas USVI

Pull into St. Thomas and what is the first thing I see (other than the welcome sign)?  That’s right, Senior Frogs.  Right at the end of the dock.  How convenient.  We stopped there for a drink before we hit the bus to the Zodiac boats.

Joe and I each found someone with similar interests to hang with

We met a bunch of fun people to party with.

The bus to the zodiac boats was a little scary.  The engine sounded like it just didn’t have the get up and go to get all the way there.  One hill we were on, everyone was joking that we’d have to get out to push since the bus wouldn’t make it loaded.  The bus ride there took 2 hours.  It was only supposed to be one hour, but there were accidents and people and animals and excuse after excuse to stop.  And we weren’t on the good side of the island either.

So we get to this dock in the middle of nowhere and there are 3 people and 10 Zodiac boats parked around a rickety floating dock and a rusty freezer.  The moss on the bottom of these boats was longer than my hair, but the bus was gone, and we all just looked at each other and went for it.

They loaded us 2/3 to a boat depending on how many were in our groups and off we went.  Joe let me drive this thing and what a thrill that was.  I know it doesn’t sound like much but a 40 hp engine on an inflatable boat in the middle of the ocean is a blast.

I fell in love with this houseboat.  I could so live here.

Joe got to snorkel in that beautiful blue water.  I tried, but breathing through that little tube just doesn’t make it for me.  I panicked and swam back to the boat.  Had a fine time with our guide while we waited for everyone else though.  She is a graduate student from Minn, who went to St. Thomas for vacation six years ago, and never left.  She loved her job.

On the way back to the dock, one of the other boats kept trying to edge me out of line and I wouldn’t let him pass me.  It was a blast.  He tried so hard and just had to keep getting behind me.  I think I hurt his ego just a bit.

Had to wait another hour after we got back cause there was no bus available, cause we were late getting there.  Once we got back, it was fine, just didn’t leave much time for more than a drink at Sr. Frogs again, grabbed a quick sweatshirt and went back to the ship for dinner.

Don’t remember what we had for dinner that night, bu on stage was a “Broadway Star”.  Her longest song of the night was about her name and how people always mispronounced it.  Jeri Sager sang really well, but please, I want to hear broadway show tunes not your name repetitively.

Good night St. Thomas.

Went to bed early.  We get to Puerto Rico in the morning and have and early excursion.

Be it ever so humble…

So, last week I was seriously depressed.  Hated life, hated cancer, hated chemo.  So Joe, with his unfailing insight suggested that I contact some of my “torch friends” and see if I could take a two/three-day class somewhere (P.S.  to the man behind the curtain.  You’ve been outed my friend, and Thanks).  After not torching full-time for several years, and with the advent of Silver glass and TAG glass and beautiful murrini being made, I needed a refresher course on “How to make a bead 101”.

To my surprise and delight Ann Schermo Baldwin invited me to Virginia to play, laugh, whip me, beat me, make me make good beads. :).  I had such a blast.  And after the first day my confidence came back and watching her work is just mesmerizing.  I learned so many fun thing, and remembered so many fun things.  I truly needed this excursion to rebalance myself.  Thanks everyone that made it possible.

So, I got home and immediately went to fondle my glass and see what goodies I have that she showed me and was amazed at some of the things I’ve collected in the past couple years that I haven’t resold in my haze of meds.  I found lots of amazing silver glass and some Double Helix murrini and Double Helix rods and TAG rods and some really sweet Ventrofond that is at least six/seven years old that is layers of colors with clear.  I can’t wait to blow shards out of it.  It looks amazing.  And apparently I bought pounds of the new Effetre Handmade colors that have come out recently.  I had a box full, tucked in a corner, along with a box of Moretti 104 sheet glass.

I can’t wait till tomorrow to torch all day.  I have so many ideas going through my tiny head.  I’ll post pictures tomorrow of the beads I made with Ann and hope that my beads will continue to improve with practice.

It’s late and I’m tired.  It’s been a busy week.  Huggs to everyone. 

Blessings and goodnight.

Got my CT results today

And the results are………

No sign of cancer cells anywhere in my body.  Can anyone say “Total Remission”?  I can, cause I’m livin’ it.  I still have to go for six months of “maintenance chemo” so my brain isn’t quite set on the “cured” yet.  My heart is soaring though.

Thanks to everyone who helped me through this.  It’s been a long road, and there is no guarantees that it will never show up again, but for now, for now, I will gladly take “remission”.  So crack a cold one for me tonite, raise your glass to the heavens and give a toast to whoever is running the ship.  I am officially a 1%’r.  Only 1% of the people with my type of cancer beat it twice.  The gods have smiled upon me again.

Now on to other stuff.  As you can imagine it’s been a strange week for me.  Seems like my meds have been off and I’m losing/misplacing things.  Strange things are happening in my world and I’m just seeing it.  I’ve been taking photo’s of mushrooms lately just cause they are fascinating but this past week I haven’t found any.  No weather changes or anything.  Just no fungus.  Well today Oscar and I stopped and picked up Pookie (the little Scottie from crossed the street).  Her owner is having problems getting around now and she uses a cane so Pookie is getting a little porcine.  I figured we were doing the mile and she could use it.  So we were halfway around the block and I suddenly realized that there was a tree full of birds up ahead.  I’m talking hundred of sparrows just chirping their little hearts out.  I kept staring at the tree, thinking what a wondrous sight and sound I was experiencing when I looked down.  There on the ground was one of their fallen.  The birds were mourning one of their own.  I walked right under this tree, with birds 3-4 inches from my face.  They didn’t move.  Just kept chirping. 

Joe took me to Max and Erma’s to celebrate.  Since swallowing is a bit of a problem right now, I feasted on French Onion soup.  It was delish, as always.  So now we’re home.  I need to get Oscar fed, take my meds and cuddle up in my big red chair and just treasure this little pearl I have in my heart “cured” is such a cool word.

Have a lovely, lovely evening my friends.

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