Due to the extensive radiation I’ve had done to my neck and throat, my thyroid had stopped working, so it looks like Synthroid is the latest addition to my orchestra. That harmonious mixture of pharmacological wonders that keep this fine tuned machine running like it’s not supposed to. Honest to the gods I swear I only have two or three more viable parts they can remove without shutting the whole system down. It’s like taking apart a bike and having a few pieces left over. Must have not needed them anyway.
Question for the ether, How does one go about meeting people to form friendships? Before I got sick I had lots of friends. I had work friends, and after work friends and combination of both kind of friends. During my illness and my recovery, my friends thinned out. At first it was a small number of not returned calls and cancelled plans. As I got sicker, the friends got thinner. I’m not blaming them. I’m sure I wasn’t much to be around back then. Still had some die-hard friends though. Now that it’s going on six years even the die-hard friends have gone on living their own lives. Work, kids, commitments, they all just carry on. I know I’m also to blame. For a long while, I didn’t want to go anywhere, do anything. I had no strength, I was sick. Now t hat I’m getting better again, I’m looking to do things with friends, I look around and I really don’t have any.
I have my husband whom I love and who would do anything, go anywhere with me, but who is not female. Sometimes you need girl talk. There is a lavender festival in Armada this weekend and I’d love some girl time in a good smelling place, but I don’t know anyone else who would enjoy it that lives close enough to enjoy it with.
OK, enough pity party. I’m off to work on my crap room for a while. I can put in about an hour a day and it still looks like I haven’t done shit in there. It will get better. I am taking pictures this time so I have before and after. I can see it finished in my mind’s eye and it’s pretty. I hope it turns out that nice in reality.
The very best sound is the sound of my house ringing with laughter of family and friends. From elderly to infant, we had them all at our house Saturday. It was a perfect day. Hot, with a bit of breeze, the pool was perfect, the food was amazing (thanks again for grilling C.) Everyone brought something to pass and the variety was wonderful. Several times I just stopped and listened and found myself wishing for things that can never be. I got way too much sun and slept for two days after, but that’s OK. It felt wonderful.
The best sight was waking up Sunday morning to my granddaughters sweet face peering over the edge of the bed and asking in her sweet voice, “can horsey wake up now?”. We have a bouncy horse with springs that she loves. She will get up all night and bounce on that horse, so Sat. I put horsey to sleep in my room. He couldn’t wake up till I did. She did wait till she heard Joe talking to me. Such a sweetie.
The best feeling was the hug my grandson gave me as they were leaving. I told him I needed a good long cuddle and he held me for at least three minutes. That’s a long time for a five-year old. He smells so good. No matter what, he always smells the same.
Today I went in had some blood work done to test my thyroid to see if medication can correct its issues. So, I find out Friday. I did weigh in at 118.8 today so I’m up three pounds. Man, I work hard for those pounds. Since I’m never hungry, and have a hard time swallowing when I am, I tend not to eat much. So every morning I make my big ass cup of coffee with three heaping scoops of carnation instant breakfast and a 1/2 cup of whole milk. I need to look into a protein powder since protein adds muscle. At least no-one told me I was “too skinny”. I hate that. They remember me at 189, so to them, I’m too thin. I think I’m fine.
I’m going to call it a night. Sweet dreams everyone. I’m in the process of learning how to crochet a sock. We will see how it turns out.
I am a fearless wonder.
I am source of strength for many people.
I am amazing.
I am good-hearted.
I slay dragons in my spare time.
I have defeated things that have crushed others.
I am socially awkward.
I can accomplish things that others can only imagine.
I feel that I have no purpose.
I am mostly sad.
I am blessed to have so many people who care for me.
I think I have done enough in my life to qualify it as an “adventure”.
I am constantly amused by my dog.
I have to go get chemo now.
I am afraid.