Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

Dreams and such


I had a dream, more of a nightmare really, about my granddog Ellie last night.

Now I hardly ever remember my dreams, I believe that I rarely dream, so when I wake up with a vivid (potentially true) dream in my head I generally act on it.

So, I called C this as soon as I woke up and invited Ellie to spend the Holidays with us.  El is getting up in years and I don’t think that getting in and out of the car as many times as they plan to, with as many houses full of people that they plan to visit, would be good for her.  Our house is quiet, Oscar won’t mind company, and any chance of my dream occurring will be eliminated.

Wow, I think I coming back into being me.  What a good feeling.  The trip to Anns did more than I could have imagined.  I’m starting to think of others again instead of being focus on just me and my misery for so long.  Damn, talk about a lightbulb moment.  I’ve been so focused on myself lately it feels good to start thinking of others again.

So, tell me if I’m wrong about this?  I’m making M. a shawl for Christmas, this shawl has had many lives in the past year as I’ve torn it apart and remade and remade and remade trying to find just the right project for this spectacular yarn (silver with silver sequins).  I found this beautiful shawl pattern, adjusted for a big hook and started rocking.  I think it’s beautiful, but wasn’t sure if she would like it or wear it, so before I put another two weeks into something that will end up a dog bed, so I showed her.  Joe had a fit, but he doesn’t understand what it’s like to pour your time and heart into an item, gift it to someone, then never see it again.

Been getting some flack ‘caue I don’t post enough photo’s in my dailies.  So, this is Oscar.  He is my constant companion and bestest listener.

Oscar was a “throw-away” dog.  Someone found him running the streets and turned him into a kill shelter up north.  His time was almost up when I saw him on their website and had the foster group I volunteered with pull him so I could try to find him a home.

What a poor little thing he was.  He didn’t weigh more than 9 pounds, his nails were so overgrown he was walking on the tops of his nails.  His coat was so dirty I seriously thought he was a brown dog.  It took  five shampoos to get his hair and skin to normal color although it took about two months for the smell of burning hair to fade.  Don’t know where the smell came from, he wasn’t burnt, he just smelled like it.

I do believe that Os was used as a breeder for “designer dogs”.  He is a Chihuahua and Jack Russell mix and has a beautiful stance and lines, but he had absolutely no “house manners” for a four-year old dog.  No concept of potty training or table manners.  I have to admit he is the smartest dog I’ve ever had.  He picked up corrections so fast and learned so well.  When we go for walks I don’t even leash him any more.  There is no need.  I am so blessed that someone picked him for me.  Needless to say, Oscar did get adopted, by us.

Did you ever buy something online with a specific intent then when you get it, you completely change your mind about its use?  I recently purchased some silk ribbon with the intention of stringing some of my bigger beads on it for a different look.  Now that I have it, the textile worker is chiming in and thinking , I wonder what that would look like crocheted or knit into a scarf? and I wonder how big a scarf 25 yards of silk would make.  I keep staring at it.  I already have seven knit/crochet projects going now.  I can’t start another.  Yes, I said seven.  Two are blankets that I had to put away for the summer but can start on again, a couple of hats, a shawl, a scarf and two baby blankets a doll and several stuffed animals.  Yes I have ADD when it comes to my textiles, but I will finish them all in a timely manner, I just get bored doing the same stitch over and over.  By having many projects I can pick and choose what I want to work on that day. 

Ok, I’m off to start my day.  Putting up the tree today, Yeah!!  I’ll let you know how it turns out this year.  It’s never the same tree twice. 

Huggs to you all.  Find at least one thing to amaze you today.

B

Can’t seem to move today


Getting my results today at 2:30.  Seems like everything in my life lately is timed at 2:30.   I feel like I can’t make a decision to save my soul.  Every time I close my eyes I see a dark and dangerous path ahead of me.  I’m so frightened, absolutely stone cold scared out of my freaking mind. 

Face it, how many chances do we get in each life to cheat death.  I figure that  the last cancer go around it was my fourth cheat  (If you wanna know the other three, tough,  I’ll save that for another time).  There is a series of movies out called “Final Destination”.  It has long been one of my favorite series’.  The premise of the movie is that several people “escape” death by luck and premonition.  The remainder of the movie is death catching up to even the score.  I can hear the wind fluttering the papers in the back of my mind already.

Haven’t slept much since we got back from Mexico.  Joe bought me a “white noise” machine with the sound of ocean waves on it.  It helps sooth me to sleep, but the demons wake me up.  Dark and dangerous dreams.  Don’t remember them, don’t really want to.  Just not bright and cheery.  I come downstairs in the morning and curl up on the couch with the boys.  I can sleep then.  They snuggle so close and warm.  They know that something is going on with me.  I’ve taken to calling them velcro 1 and 2.

I feel like firing up my torch and just melting glass today.  Unfortunately that means cleaning mandrels, dipping mandrels, then cleaning workspace in order to start.  I’m just too frigging tired.  Have to get off my ass sometime yeah? 

HAGD

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