Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘dogs’

the house is as quiet as a mouse

The house is suddenly, stunningly quiet. the last gifts given, the kids and the grands are packed and gone. Just me, mom and Joe to sit and stare at each other and marvel that for 24 hours, we had home and family surrounding us with joy and laughter. I love the sound of Harpers squeals of joy when he scores big on “Cow Racing”. Yep Ann, you got us hooked on abusing bovines for sport and pleasure. I hope the books I chose were well recieved. I search each year for the right books to match the right players, Dinner was simple and easy and well eaten all around. Just the family this year. Did I get what I wanted for Christmas? Yes, and then my cup runneth over. I got popsicle in my hair and played screaming hide and seek (just like regular, but you scream when found. Why do I teach them these things?) Lots of hugs and healing strength from the kids and just outpouring of love from the grands. Man, there is nothing like an Isla nuzzle to get you out of a funk. We are so very lucky to be blessed with such loving caring family.

And I’m so proud to be a part of Lampwork etc. A group of caring individuals who happen to love melting glass as much as I do. Every year we collect names and addresses of people who need some Holiday Joy. I signed my MIL up this year, since dad passed, she’s been dimming a bit The cards she received covered the stretch of my 10 ft mantle and I still ended up standing throughout the room. She is giggling like a little girl and telling our guests what a wonderful “family” I have on the internet. I like seeing the spring back in her step.

Harper got to see the Golden hawk that has been terrorizing our neighborhood since summer. He’s a big ole thing that loves to steal cats and small dogs from peoples yards. In the summer it’s “have you see my cat”? In winter, it’s the dogs.

Well i’m hungry and tired and ready to nap for awhile. I give them all 100%, Then I owe the bank some sleep time. Have a grand and glorious weekend everyone.

You would have almost thought I planned this,

My body is so tired from this last round of Chemo (this past Thursday) that I have absolutely no energy to do anything except sleep.  And Oscar and I are getting to be pro’s at that.

I got up late this morning with the random panicked thought that I had so much cleaning to do today and I’ve been slacking off by sleeping all day.  Then I looked around.  My house is clean.  Laundry is caught up, sheets changed, floors washed.  Almost like I had foreseen getting chemo and got my work done ahead of time.  Didn’t even think about it, just got it done.

I did take Os out and get his nails done today.  Those little meat hooks were getting painful.  Also ran to the bank, which means… I drove again today.  Second time since January really.  Just not comfortable with other drivers.  They make jerky movements and startle me.  I’m getting better at it though.

Off to get lunch and take another nap.  I think I may need a B-12 shot.  I think I’ll call my oncologist to see if I can schedule one.  Have a great day all.

It’s chemo day!!!

I’m so thrilled I could just shit.  The good news is that I think I only have 3 more sessions after this one.  This will be my third “maintenance” dose.  I get them every three weeks for 6 months.  I’m almost done. 

I feel so good today.  My head is clear, I have energy and strength and my spirit is in full.  I’m not looking forward to after chemo and the downer that follows.  My will is strong, but the poison is stronger.

Took Oscar for a nice long walk today.  It is absolutely beautiful outside today.  The leaves are all turning, the sky is a clear blue, the air has a bit of a crisp bite to it.  There was a huge golden hawk circling the neighborhood though and he made Os kinda nervous.  I’m sure he looked like a tasty morsel to that big ole’ bird.  Had another encounter with an untrained human and his hairy counterpart today.  During our walk, a young man was leaving his house.  His Shitzu, seeing us, bolted out the door and came running at us.  He was barking and not at all happy.  Imagine his owners surprise when I looked at the dog and in my sternest voice commanded him to sit.  And he did.  Then he relaxed and became a very personable dog.  His owner was amazed.  Apparently this dog has a history of biting strangers and other dogs.  Once I got his attention though, he knew where he belonged and behaved accordingly.  Gave the young man a few tips for training his dog and for regaining command of his home.  I think I’m going to get a client out of this.

Had someone e-mail me yesterday about placing some of my jewelry in their store in Livonia.  Not sure if they want to do consignment or purchase it outright.  I’d rather not do consignment though.  Too much of a risk of loss from theft.  Her store, let her take the risk.  It won’t hurt to hear her out though.  I think I’ll call her when I’m done here.

I have just enough time to slip a nap in before chemo if I go now.  So I’m off to nap land.  I’m not proud.  I’m 50 and I love naps. 

Have a blessed day.  Sending out waves of love, hope and strength.  Please send some back.



Got my CT results today

And the results are………

No sign of cancer cells anywhere in my body.  Can anyone say “Total Remission”?  I can, cause I’m livin’ it.  I still have to go for six months of “maintenance chemo” so my brain isn’t quite set on the “cured” yet.  My heart is soaring though.

Thanks to everyone who helped me through this.  It’s been a long road, and there is no guarantees that it will never show up again, but for now, for now, I will gladly take “remission”.  So crack a cold one for me tonite, raise your glass to the heavens and give a toast to whoever is running the ship.  I am officially a 1%’r.  Only 1% of the people with my type of cancer beat it twice.  The gods have smiled upon me again.

Now on to other stuff.  As you can imagine it’s been a strange week for me.  Seems like my meds have been off and I’m losing/misplacing things.  Strange things are happening in my world and I’m just seeing it.  I’ve been taking photo’s of mushrooms lately just cause they are fascinating but this past week I haven’t found any.  No weather changes or anything.  Just no fungus.  Well today Oscar and I stopped and picked up Pookie (the little Scottie from crossed the street).  Her owner is having problems getting around now and she uses a cane so Pookie is getting a little porcine.  I figured we were doing the mile and she could use it.  So we were halfway around the block and I suddenly realized that there was a tree full of birds up ahead.  I’m talking hundred of sparrows just chirping their little hearts out.  I kept staring at the tree, thinking what a wondrous sight and sound I was experiencing when I looked down.  There on the ground was one of their fallen.  The birds were mourning one of their own.  I walked right under this tree, with birds 3-4 inches from my face.  They didn’t move.  Just kept chirping. 

Joe took me to Max and Erma’s to celebrate.  Since swallowing is a bit of a problem right now, I feasted on French Onion soup.  It was delish, as always.  So now we’re home.  I need to get Oscar fed, take my meds and cuddle up in my big red chair and just treasure this little pearl I have in my heart “cured” is such a cool word.

Have a lovely, lovely evening my friends.

Somedays you’re the bug, somedays you’re the windshield

Today, I’m the bug.  Had both Radiation and Chemo yesterday and today I feel like something the cat drug through a knothole backwards. 

The radiation is killing the nerve endings in my throat.  Everything is raw and swollen.  Pretty much living on Ensure, Mashed Potatoes, Perogies, and red meat cut very tiny and chewed well.  No more raw fruits and veggies.  They hurt so much to swallow.  The good news about a chronic sore throat is that you can no longer swallow you larger pills.  I spoke to my oncologist yesterday and he told me it was fine to stop taking the biggest one.  He didn’t realize I was still on it, from 2006, when I see him every 6 months with updated med lists.  These busy doctors.

Chemo has got me crapped out again today.  When I’m inside, I freeze from the air conditioning and when I go outside I turn into a sweat ball from the heat.  The first few nights kill me cause I can’t sleep, and Joe can’t sleep cause I can’t sleep.  So, I think I go finish what I’ve been doing all day, sitting in my favorite chair and dozing with the dog.  Wish I could go sleep upstairs but someone in the house doesn’t like having Oscar in the bed cause he sheds too much.  Bummer. 

Have a most wonderful day everyone.  Enjoy your family and your friends.  Toss a little healing white light out for me for tonight.   {{{Huggs to you all}}}

Two down….one more to go, maybe

Got my second Chemo round yesterday.  What a painful, tiring journey.  3.5 hours with a drip in your arm.  So, tomorrow I get to see if the upchucking and the sweats begin again.  Luckily I’m armed with Compazane and Atavan for the heaving and lots of other pills for the pain and sleeping till I get over it. 

Three weeks and I get my last session.  Then I get to run the gamut of CAT, PET, MRI, Blood Work, Biopsy again to decide if we well continue with just chemo or to add radiation.  So hurry up and wait again.  I’m getting good at this waiting shit.

I did find something for mom to do that she enjoys and I hate, She’s helping me weave off the ends of my knitting and crochet patterns and I get to them make them faster.  She loves to sew and I love everything else.  What a team.  It’s like the laundry.  I wash, dry and hang, she folds and carries upstairs.  We’ve never discussed it, we just do it.  Once a week, we’ll look at each other and proclaim “clean sheet day”. So we change our beds, and dust and do the floors and bathrooms.  Takes maybe an hour and a half to do it all, but it looks so nice and smells so clean when we are done.  Can’t wait for the first annual “open window day”.  Still way to chilly for that here.  I did go out and look at my pots from last year and my chives, lavender, sage, marjoram and parsley all made a reappearance.  I’m excited.  Third year in a row.

Just got back from looking at my new car.  A 2011 Red Metallic Equinox.  I’m so excited.  My first car with everything I wanted on it.  I so can’t wait to get it tomorrow.  I think I’ll call the kids and see what they are doing Sunday and take mom for a drive.  Gonna have to figure out how to get those little pupperoonies into the car. 

I’m off to bed.  7:20 and it’s been a long beautiful day.

Another Tequila Sunrise……

I’m home.  Sweeter words have never been spoken.  It’s nice to be surrounded by all that is familiar and loved.  I woke up this morning with Mo curled up in the crook of my neck and Oscar stretched out along my side with his head on my shoulder.  I adore my guys, they are so “brothers from another mother”.    Oh, and on the wild and bazaar side, one of my friends e-mailed me to let me know that she had adopted a shelter dog (I’m so proud).  Imagine my surprise when she sent me a picture of Mo.  When I asked her she said that this little girl just called out to their hearts.  Now she has never seen or met Mo.  Her dog is Chi/Pom just like Mo.  Same markings, colors, eyes, age, underbite….  How strangely odd are we.  She and I have thought alike for 15 years.  It just shows to go ya.

I hear mom walking around upstairs.  She’s such an intense little lady.  I love having her here with us.  She reminds me of the blue faerie from Cinderella.  Always flitting from hither to yon and making much ado about nothing.

I did have a minor  meltdown at the hospital yesterday.  I’m not proud of it, but it happened and I’ll own it.  I basically threw a good old three-year-olds temper tantrum.  The Doctors aid came in at around 9:30 am to check up on me.  Was I eating? drinking? going potty adequately?  When I answered yes to all of the above he told me that there was no reason to keep me, and I should be released by noon.  Yippee!!  Noon is a workable goal.  If you tell me noon, then I look forward to noon.  Now, 10 rolls around, no doctor.  11, 12, no doctor.  No-one to sign me out.  So by 12:30 my anxiety and my absolute need to get as far away from hospital smells as humanly possible took over and I had a brain fart.  I wanted someone there NOW and I wasn’t taking no for an answer.  I wasn’t waiting another minute, I was dressed and by 1:30 I was walking out the door come hell or high water.  Even whipped out the ADA card (against doctors advisement) for checking myself out.  Joe even went so far as to contact a patient advocate to try to get me out.  I don’t do stress well, and I do confinement against my wishes even less well.  So, by 1:30 I was on my way home.  When I get on my soapbox, things move.

Off to nap.  I hope everyone had an amazing day full of wonders and laughter.

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