Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘children’

A reflection

To my son.

You would have been 33 soon.  They said my due  date was either Dec 30/31.

I miss our talks, well, my monologues to you, as you rolled like a fish and sometimes took offence with a sharp kick or an elbow.  I wonder who you would have been, what you would be like, what your beliefs would be.  Mostly I wonder what you would have looked like and how you would have felt as I held you, what you would have smelled like.  For 6 months I carried you inside me.  Felt your changes, watched you grow, hoped and wondered and dreamed.   I’m sorry I couldn’t have protected you more.   I was too slow and he was too mad.  I even remember why, it was stupid.

It’s hard getting older and watching the kids I watched grow up, watching their kids grow up.  I missed that connection between mother/child and knowing it’s something I will never have.

So, forgive me for being down for a few days.  I’m reflecting on losses and the way things should have been

The countdown begins

Tree is decorated and lit, packages wrapped and placed under the tree.  The stockings are hung and the halls have been decked.  In two days the house will ring with children’s laughter and the heady sound of adults laughing and catching up.  I’m so excited.  Then seven days later we head for Orlando/Canaveral and head to the Bahamas for seven fun-filled, sun filled days.

Tomorrow I’ll make the dressing and the cheesy potatoes, set up the dining room and bring serving stuff up from downstairs.

For now, just watching a silly movie about people who travel back in time and come back with a T-Rex in tow and it’s now running rampant through either New York or L.A.  Joe is sleeping on the couch with Oscar and mom is asking a million questions about the movie.    I love silly movies.

I’m off to sleep now.  Fighting this cold is wearing me out.  Blessings to all of you.

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