Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘cancer’

The hamster is back on his wheel.


A couple of weeks ago I had an MRI on my upper back to see if my arthritis has gotten worse.  My anesthesiologist wanted me to have one done prior to giving me my next epidural.  Since it wasn’t my oncologist ordering the test I had to have it done at the regular hospital instead of the Cancer Center where I’m used to going.  So different techs, different radiologists reading the scans.  The anesthesiologist seemed satisfied and gave me my last epidural without any problems.

Last week, however, I went to my oncologist for my annual blood work and checkup.  He looked at the results of the MRI and told me they reported a spot on my right lung.  He’s not sure if this is a spot that has been there, as a result of my prior surgery and it’s just being seen by new eyes, or it’s something new and we need to be concerned again.

So, the hamster is back on the wheel.  The “what ifs” are flying around my tiny cranial cavity.

OK.  we have a CT scan scheduled for when I return from vacation and the oncologist a week later for the results.  So for two weeks this is going to prey on my mind.

Light a candle for me.

There are many words that roll off your tongue…


Words like: Cupola, Pergola, Begonia, and Ennui.

en·nui

[ahn-wee, ahn-wee; French ahn-nwee]  Show IPA

noun

a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom

 

I’ve been feeling this nagging sense of ennui for the past two weeks.  Ever since I burned my hand torching last Tuesday and I haven’t been able to play with flame or to do much at all.  In case I forgot to tell you guys or update my blog lately, but I put my hand into my torch last Tuesday.   No, it wasn’t some tribal ritual, or ancient rite of passage, just me torching and not keeping focused on the flame.  It was almost as if I forgot the flame was there and stuck my hand right into it.  I got the base of my right thumb pretty badly.  It didn’t even blister, just kinda cooked in one spot.  New skin is finally coming in, but it still smarts.

I am so tired of this period between winter and spring, it’s too cold to go outside, but everything is blooming and the snow is almost gone, but what’s left is a mud puddle.

At least the gardening catalogs are coming in on schedule.  I’m hoping to put in a few raised beds this year so I can garden more.  My five-year plan is to have a “no-mow” yard with the pool and the gazebo (another good word) and plants and flowers everywhere else.  I would love to naturalize with easy to care for indigenous plantings.  Lots of Bee balm and butterfly bushes, but tons of veggies too.  Enough to can and put up for next winter.  I love canning fresh  foods.

I’m off now to soak my hand.  It’s a good thing that I went to the lavender festival last fall, and it’s a really good thing that I got ambitious and made lavender oil last month, and it was even  more advantageous that the finished bottle of lavender oil was in the basement when the burn occurred.  Kept it from becoming a festering mess, I’m convinced of it.

Have a lovely day my friends.  I can’t believe my grandson is six today.  Happy Bearthday Harp.  Gram-ma B loves you to the moon and back, twice.

CT results yesterday, Cancer free for another three!!!


Months that is… but I’ll take every one of those months and cherish them like the shining coins that they are.

And that’s all I have to say for today.

Sunday brushes off the dust of another week


New photo’s of an old room for your entertainment.  M & M came by last week and helped tape and paint the “horrid white room” and turned it into a picture of spring.  I love the Midori tone to this color.  It makes the room shine.

pre green room

M paintingB paintingM PaintingAlmost Green Room

Finished Green room

Finished green room1

This is the almost finished product.  I’m re-varnishing the floors right now, then we can put the furniture back in.  I need to get curtains and a comforter to match the room, put up a few pictures and some knickknacks on the shelves and we’ve got ourselves a great spare bedroom.

This is a beautiful glass piece we got to add to the living room.  I love it.  Made in Spain from recycled glass we picked it up for next to nothing.  We got 75% off the 50% off the 20% off the original price.  I love Art Van for things like this.  They buy tons of it to make their showrooms look good then move them to a corner of the Clearance Center where they keep getting marked down.  Most people wouldn’t have looked twice at this bottle #1, cause it’s huge, it stands even with our fourth stair riser, #2 it was a weird color in the store.  The fluorescent lighting made the white swirls a dingy grey color.  I almost passed it by too. Something in it interested me though so I took it outside to see it in natural light and it was beautiful, heavy, but beautiful.  I love buying special things for my home and not paying a small fortune for them.

New Vase 

And now my favorite part of the show….. my Orchid garden.  How wonderful it is to wake up every morning to see this amazing array of orchids.  Every morning greeted by the promise of spring, especially with the thick snowfall in the background.

Orchids

Orchids

It was a rough end to the week.  We had everything planned to head south to visit C & L and the Grands but I got stomach flu again.  I even volunteered to go to the doctors it was so bad.  I knew what she would say, “Plenty of liquids, B.R.A.T. diet (banana, rice, applesauce, toast)”.  I usually fight going to the doctors but I’ve been so sick so often lately it’s starting to bother me.  I know my immune system is shot which makes it less enjoyable to go out and do things when you know you are going to end up sick in a few days.  Even something as an innocuous as going to a comedy club will bring me to my knees.  It just sucks.

OMG, new reality show alert, or maybe it’s old and I’m just behind, whatever.  It’s a reality show about biker gangs and their funny wars.  The show I watched showed rival gangs  fighting over the colors they get to wear.  Big, tough, biker dudes gonna duke it out over the colors.  Seems kinda girly to me.  So did the fight scenes.  I’ve fought tougher girls in the day.

Nine am dentist appointment tomorrow.  Last two fillings and a cleaning.  Yippee.  Then Thurs. I get my CT scan after three months without chemo.  I’ve enjoyed the three months free of chemicals, but I’m ready to do what my doctor tells me to do.  And that’s stretching for me.  Giving that much power to someone.  Scary.

OK, I’m off to seek refuge from this hectic mind whirl with slumber, or perhaps a brownie then slumber.  Peace out all.

Visits from friends, spiffy new tat and room with a view.


It’s been an amazing week so far.  The bedroom is shaping up nicely.  Got the two coats of primer up and the room looks like a different place already.  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA  The sunlight coming through the windows is beautiful hitting the white primer.  So different from that dingy, unfinished space that was there before.  Primer coat is complete, ceiling is done with two coats of ceiling white (I wanted to use fairy silver, but Joe didn’t like it, so white it is).  I can’t wait to start putting the green on the walls.  It’s going to be so bright and vibrant.  I’m really thinking of doing the trim work in yellow, but that might be too much with two doors and two windows.  I’m talking lemon yellow here, to accent the bright green of the walls.

The other day we got a visit from Tio and Mary.  They brought me over a box

of beautiful teacups and saucers that had belonged to their daughter L.  L passed suddenly last year and we all miss her terribly.  I’m going to have to find a place to display them properly.  Aren’t they amazing?  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA  I, of course, had to show her my china tea set. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA  Mine are Faerie sized.  It am touched that she thought of me for the tea cups though.  They are such special friends.

Back in  October, I got my latest tattoo.  My gecko.  You may have noticed that he kind of disappeared from conversation.  That’s because when I was in the hospital last, my blood infection spread to my tattoo and turned it gross.  The head broke off in four places, the front foot slid under the belly of the beastie, most of the colors faded to shades I’m not sure of.  It ended up looking like this.  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA  Yesterday, Joe took me back to Chroma Tattoo where I had it done the first time.  Jason rocked.  He took one look and said he could fix it and fix it he did.  It looks amazing again.  I’m not jinxing it by showing it early again.  Once it heals, I’ll show it.  Joe was so impressed with Jason’s room in the studio that he actually offered Jason “Joe Bacon”. “Joe Bacon” is a mounted boars head that we have had around the house forever.  Joe got it at a garage sale somewhere and hung it in our old house.  In this house, there is no room for an ugly ass boar head so he get’s moved from room to room.  I’ve threatened to throw him out several times.  Joe and Jason hit it off and Joe offered it to Jason and now it’s gone from my home forever.  I hope he gets tons of attention where he’s at, he sure didn’t get it here.

I’m about a quarter of the way through the dollhouse.  Not far enought yet to take pictures, just far enough to start being confused by the instructions.

Have a great day everyone.  I’m off to take a nap.  Mom is watching her “programs” for the afternoon and I’m barely keeping the peepers open.

Wood floors and painting walls and cancer decisions.


There is nothing more satisfying to me than a clean, re-finished floor.

Since we got new furniture in the living room I thought it was time to do the annual two-year floor re-finish.

I have hardwood floors in both my dining room and the living room.  Every two years I scoot all the furniture into one corner and “redo” my floors.  Starts with a good vacuum.  All the corners done, the baseboard swept.  baseboard get a little tlc with some all-purpose cleaner.  Then go over it with a swiffer twice, using clean pads each time.  Then two washes with Orange Glo floor cleaner.  It deep cleans the wood and removes the old waxy buildup.  The final step is two coats of Orange Glo Wood floor re-finisher.  Sounds like a lot of work but it is so worth it.  Your floors gleam with this warm glow that makes the room look inviting.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA                        OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

We are also tackling finishing the guest bedroom.  Moved the small furniture out and have prepped the walls and ceiling for primer.  Here is a quick look at the room as it looked this morning:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA     OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA    OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA   OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The dresser and desk will be painted white and will remain in the room.  The bed that we purchased for the room is a twin sleigh bed.  We also purchased a white night stand to match.  I can’t wait to put green paint to the walls.  Tomorrow I tape.

Only a few more weeks till my next chemo.  It just looms over me.  I can’t decide if I was smart or stupid to wait the two months between treatments.  Not a decision made lightly .  It’s wonderful to have energy to do things around the house.  I’m loving not throwing up every morning.  My brain is clear and my decisions are sound.  It’s kind of nice to have an appetite again.  I do sleep a lot due to a too low a dose of thyroid medication, but we are working on that and that is helping also.

It’s late.  I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow I think I’ll tell the tale of the deer in the tub.

Have a great night all.  See you in the morning.

It’s a “Super Monday”


4:30 Monday afternoon.  Spent the most wonderful morning and afternoon snuggled with Oscar in my big red chair.  The snow is drifting down in handfuls.  I’ll bed we’ve gotten over three inches today alone.  I love watching the birds play “battledome” at the feeders.  All of them vying for the choicest piece of birdseed, then racing back to the shrubs where they can eat in somewhat warmth.  There must be 100 birds that live in the shrubs outside my side door.  When I open the door to let Oscar out, it’s like a peeps chorus line greeting me every time.

I got my granddaughters’ 2012 piece of bearthday jewelry today.  It’s a silver cat face outline with a four-leaf clover inset in glass where the face goes.  Perfect for year 3.  In case I’ve forgotten to fill you all in, every year on her bearthday, I buy her a piece of jewelry and put it in a box.  On her eighteenth bearthday, she will get this gift of seventeen years of thoughts and finding the perfect piece of jewelry for.  I try to include Peridot or a shade of green to represent Peridot in all her gifts.

“Peridot is a stone of lightness and beauty. Only spiritual or clear-minded persons should use Peridot. The person with too many earthly problems will not be able to understand the beauty of the Peridot. The very spiritual can wear Peridot in a necklace with the stone at the base of the throat to feel its soothing effect. Used in a necklace, Peridot is a protector against negative emotions.”

Since she is also a Leo (like her grandma B), cats or their other worldly likenesses will also be used for her bearthday pieces.

I’m missing my grands something bad.  I haven’t seen them or heard from them since Christmas.  I asked a few weeks ago if I could come down for a few days and haven’t heard anything back, so I’m guessing that’s a no.  It’s so hard when you love them so much, but get to see them so little.  I know it’s because they are so busy and the kids are so active in their lives.  I’m glad they get to do so much with her parents and siblings since we never seem to be able to get together.  It’s good that they get to be really close to a part of their family.  Family is what it’s all about.

I think I’ll go take a hot bath since it’s still daylight.  Nothing better than a hot tub while watching snowflakes fall.

I’ve decided that I want a chihuahua.  A little girl Chi, not a really little one, but a long-haired, medium-sized one.  Tri-colored would be perfect.  If anyone has a hook-up, let me know.

Oscar and I cancelled our appointment today.  We did reschedule it for Wednesday.  The roads were just too scary for me.  Snow covered and icy.  Not what I want to drive on.  She understood and so we are doing it again on Wed.

I’m getting seriously short of fresh postcards for my color wall.  If any of you happen to spot a brightly colored postcard somewhere on your travels, please send it on.  I have several “color boards” that I pin postcards, and cards and photo’s to give me inspiration for making beads and jewelry.

Dinner is on, so I’m headed up.  Have a soft evening all.  See you tomorrow.

 

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