Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘Bead’

Why do we let our fears rule?


Yesterday I was committed to go to a Beads of Courage event with a bunch of other bead makers from  a crossed  Michigan.  I had everything packed and ready to go when the old insecurities reared their ugly heads.  What if I don’t know anyone?  What if everyone is better than me?  What if I don’t find anyone to hang around with?  I swear at times like this, I feel like I’m back in elementary school.  I can actually make myself sick.  I build the stress and concerns up so much that I talk myself out of going.  I know I missed a wonderful opportunity to bond with other bead makers.  Although I did round-up 700 beads to donate, I just hurt myself by hiding out and not participating.  I was also supposed to go to a guild meeting today.  But, because I was embarrassed about not showing yesterday I didn’t go today. It’s like a snowball effect.

The only commitment that I actually kept last was taking Oscar for his first two evaluations with Therapy Dogs Inc.  We have one more eval on this coming Friday and then we will be certified for therapy dogs.  He really enjoys interacting with people, although he would be happier if I didn’t have to pick him up to see people in their beds.  He loves being cuddled, hates being picked up.

So I’m off to nap again.  When I can’t deal with life, I nap.  Hey, it works for me.

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So much going on that sharing is scary.


Went to a rehabilitation therapist today for the arthritis in my back.  He is now ordering an MRI to be done of my spine due to the increasing neuropathy in my right arm.  It’s to the point now where I feel nothing in my thumb and only some in my index and middle fingers.  My arm falls asleep at a moments notice.   My right hand will start to shake uncontrollably and I’m starting to drop things.  I have to admit this to everyone otherwise I will keep pretending that everything is fine.  I can’t anymore.

I’m glad I spin my mandrels with my left hand and apply glass with my right.  I can set a glass rod down till feeling comes back, can’t set a hot bead down “for a minute”.

OK so I got a very painful steroid/lidocaine shot in my back to hold me over till he can determine if an epidural is necessary or if there is anything else he can do.  So I’m scheduled for an M.R.I and a C.T. scan next Monday (gonna need a pill for this one).  Then I see a neurologist on the 25th, then back to this RT that I saw today to see what’s going on.  So till the middle of next month it’s one test after another and the hurry up and wait game.  I hate that game.

Meanwhile I’m keeping myself busy.  Tonight Oscar and I go for his first testing as a therapy dog.  There is an entire checklist that he has to go through.  I hope he does well.  Then Saturday it’s out to Brighton for torch time for the BOC, Sunday is a guild meeting in the afternoon.  Then I need to get busy making beads for the bead bonanza in October.  Phew, when I jump back into life, I don’t fool around.

I’m off for an afternoon nap to let this shot take effect.  Hugs to everyone.

Sometimes the fates tell you where to go.


Driving Joe to PT today we decided to hit a few garage sales on the way since we had time to kill and getting in and out of the car is good exercise for him.  Found some real gems today.  Two plates to add to my collection, some beadable chopsticks that were in a “free” box, a handful of dead trees also known as books (my iPad is ruining the paper experience), and best of all a four piece bar set.  This set is rocking, not only are the dice ivory and can be used in other pieces of jewelry, the ends unscrew and I can replace them with beads.   The rods are just a hair over 1/8″ so I’ll have to thicken the bead release a bit, but totally do-able.  I thinking silver cored tiger stripe beads.  Very retro 60’s.

Anyway we to the “last sale” of the day and it was getting close to his apt. time so we did a drive by to see if anything jumped out at us. I saw a glimmer of orange glass and decided to take a chance and see what was there.  Joe and Mom decided to wait in the car for me.  As I walked up the drive I noticed a white van pulling up behind my vehicle.  I continued into the garage and began looking around.  I realized that there was no-one there and thought it strange, then I figured that whoever was running the sale was most likely in the house.  A  guy, I’m assuming that he came from the van, rounded the corner into the garage and walked straight to the door connecting the garage to the house.  As he reached for the door knob, the lady of the house opened the door with a startled look and looked over at me, he turned, saw me standing there and practically ran out of the garage.  The lady had gone in to grab a snack and he had surprised the crap out of her when she opened the door.  It took about a minute to figure out that neither of us knew him and that his behavior was a little off.  The hands of fate.  If not for a glimmer of orange glass (no I did not buy it, just a tip people, if you want someone to buy what you no longer want, wash it first.)

 Time for a short soapbox rant.

This rant goes out to everyone with an elderly relative, and it’s coming from the heart of someone caring for one.

Please don’t make commitments you aren’t positive you can keep.

Elderly people remember your casually spoken words and their caregivers have to deal with the sorrow and the questions.  Think before you speak please.  And if you can’t keep your commitment, call and explain.  It’s hard having someone not want to leave the house because you said you were going to come by and spend time.

Soapbox put away for now.  Don’t make me bring it back out.

It’s getting late and I see I have 24 new e-mails since I started typing.  I’ll bet 22 are junk one is a receipt and 1 is from my friend.  Have a safe night all.

Oh, can anyone explain why I keep seeing Ouija boards on T.V.?  Those things scare me.  Mom laughs at my reaction to them, but I can’t help it.  Evil little boards.

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