Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Posts tagged ‘amazing’

Wood floors and painting walls and cancer decisions.

There is nothing more satisfying to me than a clean, re-finished floor.

Since we got new furniture in the living room I thought it was time to do the annual two-year floor re-finish.

I have hardwood floors in both my dining room and the living room.  Every two years I scoot all the furniture into one corner and “redo” my floors.  Starts with a good vacuum.  All the corners done, the baseboard swept.  baseboard get a little tlc with some all-purpose cleaner.  Then go over it with a swiffer twice, using clean pads each time.  Then two washes with Orange Glo floor cleaner.  It deep cleans the wood and removes the old waxy buildup.  The final step is two coats of Orange Glo Wood floor re-finisher.  Sounds like a lot of work but it is so worth it.  Your floors gleam with this warm glow that makes the room look inviting.


We are also tackling finishing the guest bedroom.  Moved the small furniture out and have prepped the walls and ceiling for primer.  Here is a quick look at the room as it looked this morning:


The dresser and desk will be painted white and will remain in the room.  The bed that we purchased for the room is a twin sleigh bed.  We also purchased a white night stand to match.  I can’t wait to put green paint to the walls.  Tomorrow I tape.

Only a few more weeks till my next chemo.  It just looms over me.  I can’t decide if I was smart or stupid to wait the two months between treatments.  Not a decision made lightly .  It’s wonderful to have energy to do things around the house.  I’m loving not throwing up every morning.  My brain is clear and my decisions are sound.  It’s kind of nice to have an appetite again.  I do sleep a lot due to a too low a dose of thyroid medication, but we are working on that and that is helping also.

It’s late.  I’m off to bed.  Tomorrow I think I’ll tell the tale of the deer in the tub.

Have a great night all.  See you in the morning.

Seven days in the hospital makes one weak….

Tuesday before last  I went in for my normal chemo.  I felt like dog poop and probably looked almost as attractive as I felt.  My  oncologist took one look at me and told me that we were  skipping chemo and going directly into a hospital bed.  I was so dehydrated from vomiting that I could barely stand up.  So, I spent seven days in.  I don’t remember much about it, I slept a lot and the pain meds always help.  So now I’m home and getting ready for the Holidays.

I have a question.  I was watching one of my cooking shows the other day and the theme was Holiday.  This is the show where four chefs are given “mystery baskets” and have to use all ingredients in a dish.  By process of elimination they determine a winner.  If the theme is Holiday, who’s to say the chef’s had to do December themed Holiday food.  I would have gone totally off the cliff and done Easter or Halloween.  They did not specify which holiday or what month that holiday had to fall in.

The great news by far this month, the rockingest news is that Joe and I have just signed up for a ten-day cruise. I can’t believe it. After we missed our trip to Ireland due to his knee, We were so lucky to get last-minute air fare and cruise prices. The ship leaves out of Miami on Monday, Yep, two days. Good think I know how to pack. I’ve set everything out and just have to put 1/2 of it back.

OK, I put back half and I still have a ton too much.  10 days is a lot of ground to cover.  Got to make sure I pack a hat and sunscreen.  I have my white masks and my tea tree oil  mix for the flight and the crowded areas on the ship.  I’m determined not to get sick again.

This is so exciting, I think we’ve only been to two of these ports so we get new places to explore.  We leave out of Miami, then Nassau, Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Roatan, Belize, Cozumel then back to Miami.  The temperature is between 76 and 84 but I’m still taking sweaters and warm clothes.  I get cold so easily, but I’m getting smarter.  Lots of leggings to wear under dresses with boots and my strappy stiletto heels.

So if you are looking for us between the 10th and the 21st, don’t bother. We will be cruising Mexico, drinking rum punches and howling at the moon. Senior Frogs, look out. I wonder how many we can hit this year.  I’m glad there won’t be as much walking as there would have been in Ireland.

I’m so glad I worked so hard to finish mom’s room before Thanksgiving.  She’s coming down to stay with the house and MIL and Oscar.  Everything just fell into place to create the perfect vacation timing.

I’m off to shed more clothes from the “pack me” pile.  Have a great night all.  I doubt I’ll sleep much.

Once again, facing the dragon.

I am a fearless wonder.

I am source of strength for many people.

I am amazing.

I am good-hearted.

I slay dragons in my spare time.

I have defeated things that have crushed others.

I am socially awkward.

I can accomplish things that others can only imagine.

I feel that I have no purpose.

I am mostly sad.

I am blessed to have so many people who care for me.

I think I have done enough in my life to qualify it as an “adventure”.

I am constantly amused by my dog.

I have to go get chemo now.

I am afraid.


Cruise catch up thread

Not much going on here today so thought I’d update you all on our cruise.

We were at sea all day.  Slept late, the boat rocks you like a baby.  And the fresh air.  The first days everyone sleeps for hours.

Calm, blue skies, fluffy clouds and the brisk wind of a ship doing about 50 mph into the wind.  I had whip marks on my cheeks from my hair being whipped around.

Did get to sit in the sun for a while on deck.

Enjoyed what the ship had to offer.   Ate pretty well (BBQ on deck), live music by the pool.  Just enjoyed the day.  I even got to see things I wish I hadn’t saw (Healthy size lady, pink flowy dress, no underwear, stiff wind, draw your own conclusions).

Roast pork loin for dinner was edible, not to my liking though, too much cranberry glaze masked the flavor of the pork.

Did get to see a professional juggler, Charles Peachock in the Stardust ball room.  He was amazing.  I really want to learn to juggle this year.  I’ve wanted to for the past three years and this year I will.

St. Thomas USVI

Pull into St. Thomas and what is the first thing I see (other than the welcome sign)?  That’s right, Senior Frogs.  Right at the end of the dock.  How convenient.  We stopped there for a drink before we hit the bus to the Zodiac boats.

Joe and I each found someone with similar interests to hang with

We met a bunch of fun people to party with.

The bus to the zodiac boats was a little scary.  The engine sounded like it just didn’t have the get up and go to get all the way there.  One hill we were on, everyone was joking that we’d have to get out to push since the bus wouldn’t make it loaded.  The bus ride there took 2 hours.  It was only supposed to be one hour, but there were accidents and people and animals and excuse after excuse to stop.  And we weren’t on the good side of the island either.

So we get to this dock in the middle of nowhere and there are 3 people and 10 Zodiac boats parked around a rickety floating dock and a rusty freezer.  The moss on the bottom of these boats was longer than my hair, but the bus was gone, and we all just looked at each other and went for it.

They loaded us 2/3 to a boat depending on how many were in our groups and off we went.  Joe let me drive this thing and what a thrill that was.  I know it doesn’t sound like much but a 40 hp engine on an inflatable boat in the middle of the ocean is a blast.

I fell in love with this houseboat.  I could so live here.

Joe got to snorkel in that beautiful blue water.  I tried, but breathing through that little tube just doesn’t make it for me.  I panicked and swam back to the boat.  Had a fine time with our guide while we waited for everyone else though.  She is a graduate student from Minn, who went to St. Thomas for vacation six years ago, and never left.  She loved her job.

On the way back to the dock, one of the other boats kept trying to edge me out of line and I wouldn’t let him pass me.  It was a blast.  He tried so hard and just had to keep getting behind me.  I think I hurt his ego just a bit.

Had to wait another hour after we got back cause there was no bus available, cause we were late getting there.  Once we got back, it was fine, just didn’t leave much time for more than a drink at Sr. Frogs again, grabbed a quick sweatshirt and went back to the ship for dinner.

Don’t remember what we had for dinner that night, bu on stage was a “Broadway Star”.  Her longest song of the night was about her name and how people always mispronounced it.  Jeri Sager sang really well, but please, I want to hear broadway show tunes not your name repetitively.

Good night St. Thomas.

Went to bed early.  We get to Puerto Rico in the morning and have and early excursion.


In the dark of the night, when the wind is blowing the window panes loose in the frames and you can almost hear the snow hitting the siding that I sit and remember how much I’m blessed.  I went through most of my life believing that I would end it alone.  I’ve never had children or made lasting ties with anyone.  My family has drifted off into their own little worlds and that’s OK.  I was one of those “tweener” kids, everyone was either five years older or five years younger than me.  The older kids wanted nothing to do with me so I got to babysit all the younger ones.  Resentment built, you know the story.

Anyway, Saturday night M & M and Joe and I went out to the Parthenon for dinner then to the Fox theatre to see the Cirque dreams Holidaze show.  Dinner was amazing.  I love sharing stories and hearing about their days.  Such incredible adults, I’m so proud of them and their thoughts and actions.  The show was amazing.  Such a dramatic sense overload of light, sound, movement, color.  So many things to watch at once.  I enjoyed myself so much. I thing the best part was sitting next to Mel for the first half of the show and just watching her face.  It was super fun.

So after sleeping in late Sunday morning (I’m allowed), Joe told me that C & L are bringing the kids over.  What a blessing.  I got baby cuddled and hugs and just seeing the changes in those two little bundles.  Lightened my heart and made me even more ready for the holidays.

To my delight Joe and I have just booked a cruise for two to the Bahamas for New Years Eve.  It’s those rays of sunshine that make my little world a brighter space.   I’m a lucky woman.  He just wants me to have some fun before I start chemo again.  It’s already Dec. 20th so the resume day is coming in quickly.

I’m looking forward to having a houseful of people for Christmas Eve, but I’m even more looking forward to be sailing to the Bahama’s on New Years Eve.  I started thinking today that in 20 plus years of being together, we have never gone out for New Years Eve.  Always have prefered to stay at home and relax.  Not have to worry about drivers and such.  This year I get the best of both worlds.  I get to go to a gala party onboard ship and no-one has to drive home.  I’ve never heard of a fatal crash on an elevator.  Maybe down a flight of stairs.  I even already have the perfect dress for it, and shoes.  I’m so ready to have a relaxing time on board with my husband.  He needs to find some good books to read.  I’m already trying to figure the weight limit on catalogs.  Either that or little scraps of yarn so I can continue to make my little Ami Characters.  I’m getting better at them so I might be ready to show them off shortly.

I’m off to face another day.  I think I get some torching done today.  Maybe some goddesses, it’s been awhile.

Blessing to all of you.


It’s chemo day!!!

I’m so thrilled I could just shit.  The good news is that I think I only have 3 more sessions after this one.  This will be my third “maintenance” dose.  I get them every three weeks for 6 months.  I’m almost done. 

I feel so good today.  My head is clear, I have energy and strength and my spirit is in full.  I’m not looking forward to after chemo and the downer that follows.  My will is strong, but the poison is stronger.

Took Oscar for a nice long walk today.  It is absolutely beautiful outside today.  The leaves are all turning, the sky is a clear blue, the air has a bit of a crisp bite to it.  There was a huge golden hawk circling the neighborhood though and he made Os kinda nervous.  I’m sure he looked like a tasty morsel to that big ole’ bird.  Had another encounter with an untrained human and his hairy counterpart today.  During our walk, a young man was leaving his house.  His Shitzu, seeing us, bolted out the door and came running at us.  He was barking and not at all happy.  Imagine his owners surprise when I looked at the dog and in my sternest voice commanded him to sit.  And he did.  Then he relaxed and became a very personable dog.  His owner was amazed.  Apparently this dog has a history of biting strangers and other dogs.  Once I got his attention though, he knew where he belonged and behaved accordingly.  Gave the young man a few tips for training his dog and for regaining command of his home.  I think I’m going to get a client out of this.

Had someone e-mail me yesterday about placing some of my jewelry in their store in Livonia.  Not sure if they want to do consignment or purchase it outright.  I’d rather not do consignment though.  Too much of a risk of loss from theft.  Her store, let her take the risk.  It won’t hurt to hear her out though.  I think I’ll call her when I’m done here.

I have just enough time to slip a nap in before chemo if I go now.  So I’m off to nap land.  I’m not proud.  I’m 50 and I love naps. 

Have a blessed day.  Sending out waves of love, hope and strength.  Please send some back.



I think I’ve discovered something.

I think I’m sad and kinda in a funk because of a lack of reading materials at my house.  A tragedy for a voracious like myself.  And it’s not like I can just run out and buy my favorite reading materials either.  They have to be sent to my door.

Let me explain.  As a child and well into my adult years I loved reading books.  I would have four or five going at a time and I would know where I was on each one according to the storyline.  I would read text books, instruction books, novels, bio’s.  You name it, I’d read it.  Then I got cancer.  And my attention span changed and I went downhill quickly.

First I gave up the more technical reading and stuck to novels, then to shorter novels and only one at a time.  Then I went to magazines.  Especially cooking magazines.  Then I regressed to the “throw away’s” you buy at the checkout stand.  I fell hard from there.  Into Catalog heaven.  They were great.  Short stories, pretty pictures, wish list kind of stuff for someone housebound and out of reach of a credit card.   And I used to get tons of them.  Every kind of catalog you can imagine crossed my door.  Major stores like Penny’s and Macy’s would come out with the big one this time of year and those would be good reading for week.  But not this year.  Here it is, almost October first and I’ve gotten no Christmas catalogs yet.  Sure, I’ve gotten a couple of off the wall ones like “wireless” and “catalog favorites”,  but those are light in content while pretty in color. 

And I can’t shop on the internet.  I have serious ADD when it comes to the wireless world and I am quickly diverted from my path by other windows opening onto places I don’t want to be.  Or I’ll remember something that would go perfectly with this thing I just found, but I can’t remember what website it was at.  Frustrating.  I’ll buy online, but I like the pretty pictures.  Which is the reason for this rant to begin with. 

I need more catalogs to keep me stimulated.  Any idea’s on where to sign up for new and interesting ones would be appreciated.  (And yes, I have a novel that I’ve been reading since the beginning of April.  I’m on page 25 and haven’t got a clue what it’s about)

So, with that off my chest I’m off to shop, I mean read, my latest gift from the mailbox gods.

Hope your week has been well and challenging.  Without challenge there is no resistance.  Without resistance there is no challenge.  Challenge yourselves.

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