Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.


I swear that’s all I’m here for anymore.  To keep them entertained.  They gave me four wonderful days last week.  Then struck me down this week with three days of sleeping and feeling all around crappy.  I’m so cold right now.  Deep into the bone cold.  The kind of cold that only chemo patients know.

Nothing in the house is getting done.  The laundry is piling up, Joe ran the vacuum today for me.  I didn’t even wake up till 11:30 this morning and have slept all day in my chair.  I’d rather sleep in the bed, but then Oscar couldn’t snuggle with me.  I do wish he was less Jack Russell and more Chi in the way he cuddles.  It has to be on his terms.  He’d rather sit alone on the stairs than to spend time with humans.  When he needs us, he knows where we are.  There are days when I really miss Mo.  Sure he was a nippy little shit, but he loved me.  He was a cuddle bum.  Anywhere, anytime.  If you sat down, he was in your lap, smiling like he’d just won the Irish lottery.  If I wouldn’t have been so sick at the time, I would have fought harder to keep him.  At the time, I felt that I had done all I could, I knew he was a great little dog for the right people.  I just can’t stand the fact that after a year, he is still in a foster home waiting adoption.  About once a month I check and my heart tears a little more when I see he’s still out there, waiting for a forever home.   I should have kept him.  I’m such a dumbass sometimes.

Well, I can tell I’m not feeling well.  I’m getting all maudlin about a dog I gave up, but man, I still miss that little face.

I think I’m going to get some toast and jam then take a hot bath.  I’m almost ready to call it a night (day/night).  My spine hurts so bad.  I sit with tears running down my face most days.  I can’t stop them.  I just deal with them.

Good night everyone, may the stars shine down brightly wherever you are.

B

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Comments on: "Here for the amusement of the Gods" (5)

  1. Just cyberhugs.

  2. karen sinkowski said:

    sending you peace Brenda ❤

  3. rhemashope said:

    So sorry for these hard days. Thinking of you…

  4. Anonymous said:

    HB, the boat you so favor is named “The island of the day before tomorrow”. This is how I love you! Lets live for today!

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