and that patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait.
Whoever “they” are, haven’t had to deal with doctors returning calls or getting test results back to find out if you are going to have to go to war once again. That’s how I see battling cancer. Going to war, armed with a pea-shooter and a roll of toilet paper. I still have heard nothing about my results. I really don’t want to wait till next Thursday to find out. I find myself returning to self-mutilation when I’m stressed and I keep catching myself.
When I was young I was a cutter. The feet were always a good place to cut cause you could hide them easily. Broken glass and boyfriends names all done in a drunken stupor in my friends basements or at the playground. I’ve gotten away from the open bleeding wounds, now I do it on a small-scale. Like tearing the skin off from around my nails. Or cutting my toenails till they bleed (the main reason for pedicures for me. Stops me from doing that.) Sometimes I catch myself sticking pins in my fingers to see how long I can stand it. I am aware that I’m doing it. And I am making every effort to stop doing it. Stress adds to it. And I’m about stressed to the max.
Really itching to get some backyard work done today. Once the yard gets a bit warmer and drier. We’ve had bad storms the past three nights that have really torn things up. The weeds love it though.
I think I’ll take Oscar for a long walk today. It’s kinda nice out 60 degrees or so. Poor Joe can’t keep up with us anymore. His knee tires him out after half a block. Have to get Oz some exercise. We are headed for Columbus to see C and L and the kids. It seems like forever since I’ve seen them. It’s supposed to be a nice weekend with rain on Sunday which is our return home day so that works. Hopefully it will be nice enough to sit outside by the fire with hotdogs and a cold beer. I so need this. Traveling is hard, but the treasure at the end of the journey is worth it. And Oscar loves playing with Ellie.
I’m off now to ponder the universe that exists only in my own bellybutton. Have a great weekend everyone. I hope the sun shines on all your picnics.