Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.


There are days, like today, when I wish and pray I could be a character in a Lewis Carroll novel.  I would dearly love to dive into the Rabbit Hole and into another world where bright colors abound and there are wonders around every corner.    I am, however, drawn more toward the Tim Burton version as opposed to the Disney.  I guess I’m just a bit twisted.

I am aware that wonderland is a “stoners” paradise, but when you consider the myriad of mind altering drugs they have me on.. I feel right at home.

Chemo went OK  .  I do wish they didn’t have to stick both arms twice. Right arm twice to get blood.  My vein is getting hard where they draw blood every time so sometimes it’s more than one stick.  Then it’s the IV in the left arm into which they pour a pint of saline to flush the vein.  Then a hypo of anti-nausea drug is injected into the IV (this stuff makes me tired and cotton mouthy).  Then it’s the bag ‘o steroids that they hang.  It’s about a twenty-minute drip and the effects are felt quickly.  The first sign is a severe burning and itching in all your warm, moist areas. Eyes, nose,  mouth, lower and even lower still.  Really bad until the IV stops.  I’ve discovered that ‘Roid rage is nothing to joke about.  I can go from zero to rip your head off and piss down your neck in seconds.  My heart is racing and my hands are shaking more than ever.  This effect will keep me from sleeping soundly for at least three days, which just aggravates me even more.  Then they finally hang the Alitma.  Another twenty-minute wait.  Not too bad but this stuff makes my stuff makes my stomach hurt.  While I’m waiting it’s the painful B-12 blast to the left shoulder.  So, I can’t lift my left arm, and my right arm hurts like the devil.

So, I’m a tired, bitchy, hungry, trembling, cold and aggravated.  And this is every three weeks for forever.  I think I’m off to take a hot bath.

Please grant me the serenity to not kill the kids around the corner who have been playing driveway hockey against a tarp for the past three hours, and the wisdom to not kill the parents of said kids who put a nice big light out in front of their house so the kids can practice at night too.

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Comments on: "It’s Chemo day again – Horray!!" (1)

  1. That sounds so grueling. 😦 I hope the next three days fly for you. Feel better.

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