Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

And so it starts again.  The rounds of sweating, freezing, throwing up.  I’ve forgotten that your body doesn’t adjust to chemo.  Your body hosts chemo and you have no choice but to go along for the ride.

Some meds, like Xanex, your body will adjust to, and work with the medication to make you feel better.  Chemo doesn’t care.  It’s a raging beast set out to destroy all in its path.  And every day the beast evolves so you’re forced to battle another side-effect  and no warning.  No amount of pre-planning will make you ready for some of the fights.  Some you want to fight alone, and others you want to bring all of your forces together for a united front.

I thought that today was a fight alone day.  Woke up early, throwing up.  Slight fever, just over 100, but not 101 yet.  Chills, sweats, aches.  I just wanted to sleep.  Then I got a phone call.  Boy did I need that.  Connecting with another person is something that I’ve been missing.

I’m getting even more excited about these classes coming up.  I have wanted to learn to blow glass for years and haven’t had the courage to take a class.  And I never realized how close this studio is to my home.

What I think I like most is having a goal to look forward to.  Aimless and lost is not how I envisioned spending years of my life, but that seems to have become the norm around here.  It’s time for me to get my feet back on the path.  But man it’s really hard when the brain is willing but the body is flipping you the bird.

The battle will continue.


Comments on: "Once more, with gusto." (1)

  1. Having something to look forward to definitely helps get through some of the tougher days.

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