Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.


It was chemo day today.  Joe took me so I wouldn’t be tempted to drive myself, even though I am perfectly capable of driving the short distance to the hospital.  Bad headache right now.  Strange one.  Lots of colors and pretty lights behind  my eyes, reacting to sounds and movement.  Loud buzzing in my ears, not a ringing like a bell, more an electrical wire buzz.

If I close my eyes and lean back I can envision the chemo as a purple caped avenger, plundering a white blood cell till there is nothing left to take, then “swish”, move on to defeat another.  I have to imagine that it’s doing me some good, because something that makes me feel this bad had better be good for me or I’m gonna kicks some ass somewhere.

I need a calendar.  I used to have one, but like most things that are put in my hands, it disappeared.  It will reappear later in life, rest assured.  I will stumble upon it in the most inappropriate place it could possibly be.  It’s been a pattern my entire life.  If I don’t keep strict track of things and know where things are, they are gone.  I know it’s chemo brain.  I pick something up without thinking and set it down somewhere it doesn’t belong thinking to get back to it later than I forget what I was doing and where I was so I go and eat a Twinkie and watch re-runs of Pawn Stars.

Which is where I’m going now.  Good night all.  Sleep well.

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