Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Got to the hospital today to re-start my chemo only to be told that I have to reschedule my appointment.  The test results they ordered hadn’t come back yet.  They were going to do some testing on the portion of tumor retained from my last biopsy to see if my tumors will react well with this new chemo they have out.  It’s in a pill form so I don’t know how sick it’s going to make me.  The doctor seemed pretty sure I’ll be able to handle it well, but he thought the same of the Olympta and that shit almost killed me.

So, I’m not going to make another appointment until they call and actually tell me that they have the Path report in hand.  If I have to take this shit, I don’t want to start one only to find out that something else is available to me. 

So, while I wait for the path report to come back (one to two weeks) do I sit and worry that since I’m not on chemo right now, are my cells doing the funky chicken in there and spreading like little mice in my lymph system?  Do I start freaking out if one of my lymph nodes starts getting larger, like last time?  Or do I sit calmly by and wait for them to tell me where to go next.  I’m hanging on a rope here and I don’t know how long I can hold on.

Off to watch Alcatraz with Joe.  We tape it then wiz through the commercials.  Have a great night all.

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