Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

There is an official end to the tunnel, even though it’s still two more weeks plus, at least it’s a tiny light.  I’m hopeful that I’m done with the chemo also.  This last session tore me up. 

I now fully understand why prisoners were tortured with a strict diet of bread and water.  It causes a binding effect that is most painful to experience.  And given the fact that they ate mostly whole grain breads I imagine that would have been worse.  Anyway, the chemo caused some major binding and intestinal swelling.  Now I have to be careful what I eat for a few days so that I don’t overdo and tear anything.  My insides ache like I went seven with Sonny.

There is something so basic in being reduced to not being able to eat, drink, sleep, vomit or have a bm for four or five days.  By the middle of the third night I was in agony and nothing worked.  Luckily things are moving along swimmingly now.   Lesson learned:  double up on the Senakot the day before and the day of chemo just to smooth things out.

They want to double my radiation tomorrow.  45 minutes in that cage.  I think I’ll ask Tio to drive me, that way I can relax and medicate as needed.  My last double day.  My skin on my neck looks like a Savannah Monitors right now.  Crispy and fried and kinda gnarly, like you used to see on the old women who spent a lot of time by the pool.  Old leather comes to mind.

I am so thankful for my friends and family that have helped me through this.


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