Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.


In other words, I’m back from the Hospital again. Last Sunday my face and neck started going numb on the left side. Don’t know what caused the numbness, but it’s here and not going anywhere.  In the emergency room last night another doctor was asking the patient next to me to describe her dizziness without using the word dizzy.  So I started to apply it to my own feelings.  I’m not really numb.  I can feel touch.  What is feels like is that my skin is getting thicker.  Like the nerve endings are receding into my skin.  Anyway, two chest x-rays, two CT scans one MRI later and they still don’t know.  So I go for a Lumbar Puncture on Monday morning. Just to make sure those sneaky CA cells havent moved into the lining of my brain.  Can’t wait for this result.   What fun we are having this week. Off to more interesting subjects.

Have you ever spent any time at all in a hospital?  Time means nothing.  It’s like they run on their own time schedule.  All the clocks could be running backwards and the patients wouldn’t notice a thing.  They keep you sleep deprived by waking you up all night to ask you questions.  Every hour on the hour.  Windows are tinted so you really have no concept of outside time.  In those few glimpses of windows you get heading to your tests you get a distorted view of the outside world.  You can order whatever you want from the menu whenever you want it.  TV stations are confusing and their schedule is not any that I’ve seen before.  Got home at 4:00 pm and could have sworn it was 11.

Had to go straight from the hospital to radiology for my treatment today.  The good news is that my treatments are down from 45 minutes to 20 +/- minutes.  Apparently I’m shrinking at an acceptable rate for them to be comfortable with the reduction in treatment time.  Did have the girls take a picture of me locked into the beast. 

Me and the Beast

C called tonite and gave me a really good pep talk.  I needed to be reminded that I was stronger than I think and tougher than I know and that I have a lot to fight for.  I need to remember that when  sometimes things get down for me.  I just signed you up for my pep squad C.  I plan to be around for quite awhile and need your talks.  Don’t let me slide.
 
Anyway, I’m tired, finally.  Think I’ll go finish watching Blue Bloods and maybe sleep.  Felt so good to take a shower.  Hospitals have funk that clings to you.  Oh and for those that caught the cryogenic in my title.  It’s freezing in that place, and no blankets.  You have to fight to keep the ones you have.
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Comments on: "I feel like I’ve just awoken from a deep Cryogenic sleep deprivation chamber" (1)

  1. jOSEPH gILLEN said:

    Well HB,, this has indeed been a tough week. The doctors were very sincere in saying ” they take their hat off to you”.. It is ,,,still easier said then done. Thank God it was not a stroke. I will pray to God there is nothing in the cranium. With you, I will worry until the Neurological test are complete. My prayers are not enough, my Love is not enough, everything is in God’s hands and what he chooses to do. Meantime our love will be the glue to bond us through this ordeal. Your pain is my pain, your worry is my worry, your Love is my Love .

    Your HB.

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