Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.


one iota of feelings I had going through cancer last time.  From the sick to your stomach constantly to the gnawing fear in your gut but boy did I forget a big ole’ one today.  I totally forgot what a withdrawal felt like. 

They put me on Fentanyl (sp?) for pain when they took the tumor out of my neck.  Now this is some rocking pain-killer and will knock a grown man down, I myself hardly notice it.  Somehow either yesterday or overnight, my patch fell off.  I can’t find it, so not really sure where it is, the dog probably ate it. 

Anyway all morning I couldn’t figure out why I’ve felt miserable, pain in my chest, heart racing, sweaty, queasy, achy, cold and shivery.  I thought I was coming down with something.  I lay on my chair all morning feeling like I’d been hit by the Oh-shit truck.  Finally at about noon, I noticed my patch was gone.  Then I got hit with the reality truck.  I wasn’t sick, I was missing my meds.  Really baaadddd MOJO to go off your meds unassisted.  I have a feeling that it will be many days for my body to catch up with the meds again.  Wow, lesson learned for me huh?

Got tons of stuff flitting around my wounded little brain that I can’t bring myself to write about.  Every time I start, my throat chokes and my eyes get teary. 

I really can’t believe how many friends I have that I have never met.  I belong to a national chat board for Lampworkers and have chatted with and cheered and cried for these women countless times.  Now they are making my heart happy with the outpouring of love that I get from these women and men whom I’ve never met, but could probably tell you more about their lives than my own sibs (may the fleas of a thousand camels infest their underwear).

I can’t believe how many friends I don’t have close.  There is not one person that would say OK if I called and asked to meet for lunch.  I get the ho-hum, not today, maybe next week, I’ll call you. 

Guess I’m just a bit soupy right now.  I think I go crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and just be for awhile.

I’m so scared and I want to keep my dog 
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Comments on: "I never thought I’d ever forget" (5)

  1. val cox said:

    I’m sorry. Get some rest Brenda. I wish I was nearer to chat over lunch. Val

  2. jOSEPH gILLEN said:

    Whos says your sibs wear underwear. I take responsibilty for the patch missing. This happened several years ago. We have to date it (you do) and check it everynight like we use to. I am so sorry honey. By the way you can take me to lunch? I could tell you slept like crap last night. See yah later..Love HB

  3. I love the new look of your blog! I can do lunch most days, meet ya half way? 🙂

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