The good news (according to the oncologist) is that the tumors are shrinking. The bad news is that they did not go away completely. So, more chemo and now we get to add Radiation to the mix. I am so not looking forward to this part. What that means is that they are now going to start firing radiation at my throat and chest. My throat will be fried, along with my vocal cords and most of my chest muscles. Eating will be a painful experience, so will throwing the food back up. I can’t wait to try breathing. I’m so scared. I know I’ve done this before and I can do it again. I just really don’t want to.
I just want to lay in my bed and cry. I know I’ll get over the depression soon, I’m not a “pity me” type person. I just need some time to work it out. My stomach is in a knot and it matches the one in my throat.
I feel bad that there is so much going on in the world around me and all I can focus on is me. Very selfish of me I know, but I can’t seem to help it. I’ll be better soon (attitude wise), just have to take baby steps for the physical side.
Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and well wishes. They do help raise my spirits. I love reading them during chemo. I’ve started a book of all the cards, postcards and letters that everyone has sent. I love looking at them during chemo.
I think I’m off to crawl into a hot bath and soak my achy bones. I feel like I’m chilled to the core. A hot bath never hurts, and usually always helps.
Love to you all. Make sure you hug someone today, you never know if you’ll have another chance.