Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Once again we got there early (1:15 for a 1:45 apt), in our excitement to get it over with.  Got in, had blood work, had our usual 20 second chat with the oncologist.  You know the one that goes “Well, the glands seem to be shrinking (*from whose end buddy?)  I think we’ll schedule you for another CT, MRI, PET and a series of blood work and see where we go from there.   Oh, and BTW our machine has your bilirubin count at over 4 again, so I’m gonna put you on an IV and send your blood up to the main hospital and we should get the results back soon.”

It’s 2:15.

I get put back in the freezing cold chemo room and cuddle under a couple of blankets and pillows, take out a book and prepare to be punctured again.  They get my IV started and I get as comfortable as I can in these chairs they have and I proceed to fall asleep.  I’ve been so out of it for days dreading being here, that once I’m here, I sleep.  I woke up at about 4:30 and looked over at Joe, he told me that they had started my chemo and to just relax, so I went right back to sleep.  By 6:00 we were done.  I get my IV taken out and get taped up.  I help fold up my blankets and put them away, and I head for the bathroom.  As I finish I feel something cold and wet on the inside of my sweatshirt arm.  I look down and there is blood running off my hand and onto the floor.  I think the nurses were a little freaked when I walked out looking like I’d slashed myself.  And BTW, kinda a bad time to ask if I’m on blood thinners, dont’cha think?

I go to the front desk to schedule my next tests and my next appointment and the girl behind the desk hands me a card with an appointment for three weeks away.  “But what about my tests?” I asked.  “He didn’t order any.” she replied and walks away.  Another worker must have sensed my confusion and asked what was wrong.  I explained about the tests and she said the doctor was in a conference and couldn’t be disturbed, but she would check in the morning and call me back.  It’s 10 of 7 the next evening and still haven’t heard back.  I”ll have to call tomorrow.

Been so tired and chilly since yesterday.  I think I’ve slept most of the day away today.  I did spend some time downstairs with mom this morning.  Spent a couple of hours making lanyard for cell phones or key rings.  They are quick and easy.  I’m so grateful to my friend Catie for agreeing to come over to play, she really lit a fire under my ass to get things moved downstairs and organized.  It’s so much easier to get things done when everything is in the same place.

I’m off to haul this bag of rocks off to bed.  contact points are painful right now so sitting isn’t much of an option.  Have a great night all.

Comments on: "Third dose done. I’m already not happy." (3)

  1. Sending positive thoughts your way, Brenda. Thinking of you and hope you’re up and causing trouble soon! Hugs, Barb

  2. Donna said:

    Hey my Little Red-Hot Mam-cita! Happy Cinco de Mayo! Praying you’re back to your lil sassy-self soon! Got your card and let my little Ellie open it. I told her it was from Grandma’s friend, who is sick, she asked “did you get a shot?” I told her when you are feeling better we’ll come by for a tea party! Sending up prayers for you! ^j^

  3. Catie said:

    I have been thinking of you all week and sending healing thoughts. I will call later today to check in on you. (((HUGS)))

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