Regardless of the situation, no matter how hopeless the outcome may be, I will never quit, and I will never back down. I have become the wolf.

Soo sick this morning.  Just the thought of eating makes me want to yak.  Peppermint tea and cream of wheat for me today.

And now to dish on the chemo from yesterday.  Got there early cause you always have a book worth of paperwork to fill out.  Then sit and wait, and wait.  Go back for blood work and surprise.  Cant hit the vein.  Three pokes later in the crook of my arm and I’m about ready to leave.  Glad I wasn’t wearing good pants, cause blood spatter doesn’t come out.  She got it worse than I so that was a bonus!  Then we get taken to an exam room?  OK the treatment room is in the back, why am I in an exam room?  Dr. Jeff comes in, being his usual annoyingly chipper self, and goes over the fact that we are going to wait till after the third round of chemo before seeing if we still need to radiate.  

Off we go to the treatment room where I pick a comfortable seat and get ready to party.  The nurses take my order and we are ready to begin.  First nurse comes up to start my IV.  No port this time, Chemo is only every three weeks, so they don’t think a port is a necessary surgery at this point. 

Please keep in mind that in the past two weeks I’ve had a CT, a PET, a MRI, a Biopsy, and had blood drawn every time.  My little veins are tired.  Two tries into the crook of the elbow and she’s frustrated cause I keep jerking.  OK, it hurts.  Those veins have been skewered so many times in the past few weeks.  So she tries in the back of the arm. 

Now is when it gets fun.  The skin on the back of my arms is so thick both from working outside all my life and from scar tissue that entering a vein is a painful process of just popping the needle through the skin.  It usually ends up with me drawing in a quick, painful breath and the nurse giving a shout of triumph.  Only two tries for this one.

First bag, saline.  Second bag, Benadryl (nice, I don’t get to sleep for three nights, that shit is like speed). Third bag is the Alitma, which is supposed to be the new wonder drug, won’t make me sick or make my hair fall out (bonus).  It’s now time for the largest bag, the Carboplatin.  Que the danger music here.  This one will make me sick, will probably make my hair fall out (if it does, I’m getting a tat on the back of my head of something rude.  Like eyes staring back.). 

Got home by 6:30 which is much earlier than I had expected.  I immediately went up to bed with a plate of fruit and yoghurt.  Didn’t even want to think about eating anything else.  Just stretched out in bed and watched old movies (ever hear of Ed and his Dead Mother, check it out)  and chillaxed.

Today, the tin taste is already back.  Coffee tasted like burnt tuna can this morning.  This is gonna be painful.  All my joints ache, like someone poured abrasive in them.  Attitude is not that sunny and bright.  I’m off to edit some photo’s and to post some things on e-bay.  Wish me luck, the PP acct. is getting low and momma needs some new glass.

Huggs to you all.


Comments on: "And so it begins….again" (7)

  1. Theresa Moore said:

    I so wish that you did not have to go through this. I hope that, in the end, your survival will make this worth all the misery you must endure.

  2. Brenda, I am so, so sorry to hear you are going through this again. I am sending positive thoughts your way and am hoping that this goes as painless as possible. Praying for you. Barb J.

  3. Joseph Gillen said:

    OK Grandma B your tough but your going to have to get tougher. You can do this and have done it before. I love you , but don’t tell anyone!


  4. Melissa said:

    Wow, did dad really just call ou grandma B? I mean “momma” – as in “sexy momma” is one term of endearment – but “Grandma B” is something I’ve never heard before. But hey – whatever toots your horn! Hope you’re feeling better tomorrow.

  5. Joseph Gillen said:

    OH, so that is why you called me Gampy and old man all last night . I really am just 29 you know…you Cougar you!!



  6. Chad Gillen said:

    I had no idea what a great writer u too surprised given ur reading habits. Please keep this going. As u are in all if our thoughts, I’m sure I speak for everyone when I “thank you” for yours. With much love, chad.

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